Karen's Religion
by Aelysa
Summary: How dare anyone have something that Karen doesn't? That's what Karen thinks when she realizes all her friends belong to a church and she does not. When Karen's parents refuse to give in, Karen takes matters into her own hands with disastrous results.
1. Little House Weekend

Chapter One

Little House Weekend

It was a warm Saturday morning. School had just ended a few days before and my friends and I were sitting on my little house porch and enjoying the first real weekend of summer. Who am I? I am Karen Brewer. I do not have a middle name but I think I need one since I am a two-two and have two of everything else so two names would make sense. What is a two-two? I will explain later. I have blonde hair and lots of freckles. I am exactly seven and a half years old. The friends I was sitting with were Nancy Dawes and Bobby Gianelli. Bobby used to be the class bully at our school but now he is okay.

"Oooh," Nancy piped up. "I think I hear the Mr. Tastee truck. I really could use an ice cream sandwich. I am glad Mr. Tastee sells kosher ice cream."

Bobby asked, "What is kosher?"

Nancy shrugged, "I am Jewish and it means that food has to be a certain way and approved by Jewish law."

"Oh I do not understand but that is okay. I am Catholic and we do not have any rules about ice cream. Karen, are you going to come buy ice cream with us?" Bobby looked at me.

"No Bobby. I am not. I do not have any money. My allowance has been cut off until I pay back Daddy for the Club G things I shoplifted." I was feeling sorry for myself about this.

"Oh too bad for you Karen." Bobby looked like he might laugh at me but he did not.

I had an idea, "Bobby and Nancy, can you loan me money for the ice cream?"

"No, Karen," Nancy said patiently, "You were very wrong to steal all the things that you did and it serves you right that you lost your allowance."

How dare Nancy Dawes not loan me money? I thought she was my best friend. I growled at her then tackled her and began slapping her.

Bobby yanked me off of Nancy before I could do much damage, "Geez, Karen give it a break. This is not Nancy's fault. She did not get your allowance taken away from you."

"But she started it," I whined even though I knew that this was not true.

Just then Mr. Tastee came down the block so Nancy and Bobby scampered off leaving me alone on the porch. How gigundoly unfair!

I was still pouting when Mommy and my bratty four year old brother came out of the house. Andrew was wearing a dopey grin on his face and clutching money in his hand. He was probably going to Mr. Tastee. I hated him.

"Hi Karen! I am going with Mommy to get ice cream." Andrew's ridiculous smile got even bigger.

I finally could not take it anymore. I did my animal growl and tackled Andrew. He cried like a baby and Mommy tugged me off of him.

"Karen Brewer! This is not Andrew's fault. You dug your own hole with your greed and dishonesty. Now stop attacking Andrew or you will be spending the rest of the weekend confined to your room."

I frowned but did not say anything else. It was gigundoly unfair of Mommy to want to confine me to my room for Andrew's crimes but I was not going to argue. It was not my fault Andrew was a brat but I knew Mommy would not see it that way.

Soon my friends came back with their ice cream cones. They were chatting happily as if nothing had happened. Andrew and Mommy were right behind them and the four meanie mos sat on the porch chatting and ignoring me.

"How is your summer going so far, Nancy?" Mommy asked her. How come no one ever asked how my summer was going?

"Oh just fine, Mrs. Engle. I am going to Hebrew school and my baby brother Danny is learning to crawl." Nancy smiled but I thought she was a dummy. What was Hebrew school and what did it have to do with Danny?

"That sounds like fun, Nancy." Mommy patted her on the back and went back to eating her ice cream.

"What is Hebrew school?" Bobby asked nosily.

"Oh it is a class at my synagogue to learn about our history." Nancy shrugged and licked her Popsicle.

"I wish we had something like that at my church. It is boring there. My mommy and daddy make me go to Mass and I sleep through it." Bobby and Nancy laughed about this.

I rolled my eyes but then I had an idea. I turned to Mommy and asked, "Nancy is Jewish. Bobby is Catholic. What are we?"

"We do not belong to a church." Mommy answered me. She looked surprised that I had asked.

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Karen, not everyone is. I am not comfortable with attending a church and neither is Seth. Your daddy is not either." Mommy stood up to go in the house.

"But Mommy, Nancy and Bobby go to church. Lots of kids do. It is not fair. I want to go too." I did not really care about going to church. I just did not want Nancy and Bobby to have anything I did not have. After all I am the one and only Karen Brewer and I should get whatever I want.

"Karen, life is not about being fair. Church is important to some families and we respect that. It is not a part of our family." Mommy looked exasperated.

I was not satisfied. "I want to go to church just like my friends. I want to go now."

Mommy shook her head, "I am sorry, Karen. We are not going. When you are old enough to go on your own that will be your decision but while you are a child, you obey my rules."

That did it. I was not going to stand by and let Mommy be a meanie mo. I did my animal growl and attacked but she was too fast for me. Mommy picked me up and hauled me over her shoulder. I began to bite, scratch and kick while shrieking my lungs out.

"I am taking you to your room, Karen. Excuse me, kids." Mommy said that to Bobby and Nancy who were staring at me with shocked expressions on their faces but I did not care.

Mommy took me up to my room and deposited me on my bed. "You stay here until you are ready to behave like a human being. I want you to think about what you did and how disrespectful you were to me."

After she left I kept screaming but already I was scheming in my head. If Mommy would not give me what I wanted, maybe Daddy would. After all, being a two-two like me has some great benefits.


	2. Two Families, Zero Religions

Chapter Two

Two Families, Zero Religions

I am sure you are wondering what a two-two is. Well it is me, Karen Brewer. I am a two-two because I have two of everything. In fact there should be two of me. That would be gigundoly wonderful for my two families. It would be the best thing for the whole entire world really.

You probably want to know why I have two families. Well my mommy and daddy got divorced. My mommy moved to a poor people neighborhood and dragged me and Andrew with her. Daddy stayed as his mansion where I deserved to be. At first we just visited Daddy on weekends but now we alternate every month.

Not only did Mommy and Daddy separate but they got remarried. Mommy married a poor carpenter named Seth. One time I turned on the Christian television channel and there was a show about a man named Jesus who was a poor carpenter and saved the whole world with super powers. I got a spanking when I asked if Seth was Jesus. I do not understand why. I mean they are both poor carpenters so it would have been very cool if Seth had super powers too. Seth has a cat and dog named Midgie and Rocky. I have a rat named Emily. We practically have a zoo.

At my Daddy's house, there is my stepmother Elizabeth who is a meanie mo just like Mommy. It must be a mom thing. Then there is my step-grandmother Nannie. She is mainly good for food especially candy. She runs a candy business and I think she should give me more free candy but she says it ruins her profits. What a meanie mo! Next I have three ugly stepbrothers Charlie, Sam and David Michael. Sometimes I imagine that we are in the fairy tale of Cinderella only with ugly boys instead of girls. I am always Cinderella.

I also have a stepsister named Kristy. I used to like her but lately it seems like she is Daddy's favorite daughter which is gigundoly unfair. Daddy says it just seems this way to me because Kristy is well behaved and nice compared to me. I am an angel though. It is just that no one understands me at all.

Last there is Emily Michelle who is my adopted sister. She is the biggest spoiled brat on the whole planet. She could murder the whole family in their sleep and people would still think she was adorable. She is like the girl version of Andrew.

Thinking about Andrew made me remember that I had unfinished business with Mommy. I marched downstairs. Mommy and Andrew were sitting at the kitchen table playing Candyland. Andrew was losing as usual. That is because he is a loser baby brat.

Mommy looked up from the board game, "Oh hello, Karen. Ready to behave like a sane person again rather than a monster?"

I almost scowled at her but I did not want to go back to my room. Instead I put on my best sad face and said, "Mommy, I am really sad. I miss Daddy." This was a flat out lie. "May I call him please?"

Mommy gave me a sympathetic look, "Of course you may, sweetie. I know it is hard for you and Andrew sometimes."

I skipped to the living room phone. I did not want Mommy or Andrew to hear my conversation with Daddy. It was very private and important business. I picked the phone and dialed Daddy's number.

He answered on the second ring, "Hello, Watson Brewer speaking."

"Hi Daddy! It is me, Karen." I twirled the phone cord around my fingers.

"Hi pumpkin. What is new with you?" Daddy sounded happy to hear from me but a little wary also. I felt bad he believed all Mommy's lies about me but there was nothing I could do to win his trust.

"Well Daddy, all my friends go to church but I do not." I decided to be honest.

Daddy sighed in a way which reminded me of Mommy, "Well honey, some people do and some people do not. We just do not."

"But we read the Bible at Christmas once!" I whined.

"Karen, a lot of people do that to learn about some of the origins of Christmas. I do not think that is a reason to go to church." Daddy sounded slightly amused which angered me. I would have beaten him up if I was at the big house for thinking I was funny.

I was not going to give up, "Daddy, I really want to go to church."

Daddy was firm, "No, Karen. I do not go to church. Your mother and Seth do not. That is not what anyone in our families does. I am sorry you are jealous of your friends but we are not going to change."

I got desperate and decided to lie, "Mommy said I could go to a church if I wanted."

"Oh she did, did she?" Daddy's voice sounded frosty all of a sudden. "Put your mother on the phone please, Karen."

Startled to be caught in my lie, I slammed down the phone. A minute later the phone rang and Mommy must have picked it up in the kitchen. I did not think anything of it. It was probably a telemarketer. I wandered back out to the kitchen to find a snack. I had not gotten ice cream like everyone else so I figured I deserved one.

Mommy was arguing with someone on the phone. Andrew was staring at her and chewing on the red Candyland piece. Mommy screamed into the phone just as I walked in, "Watson! I swear I never told Karen that. I would never take Karen to any church. You know that. You know how badly I punished her when she watched that Christian children's show and called Seth Jesus."

Mommy was silent for a minute, "Me turning Karen into a spoiled brat and a liar?" What about you?"

Mommy still had not spotted me. I hit behind the doorway where I could still hear. "Uh huh… Uh huh… Yes, we will have to have a long talk with her and come up with a punishment for lying."

"Yes, I completely agree with that. A week without television might do Karen a world of good. She is probably getting most of her schemes from television. Okay, bye Watson." Mommy hung the phone up and I scurried upstairs before she knew I was there.

A week without television for telling one tiny lie that had not hurt anyone? How gigundoly unfair! I sat on my bed and held my little house half of Tickly.

Soon Mommy came into my room. "Karen, I realize you are disappointed about not having a religion like Bobby and Nancy but it is one of the things Daddy and I agreed about at the divorce. We decided it was better to raise you and Andrew without religion so that there would never be a conflict between Daddy and me. When you grow up, you may choose any religion you like if you are still interested. Daddy and I will be fine with that but for now you need to accept the decisions that Daddy and I made even if they are not fair. We have decided that you will go a week without television for lying to Daddy. I hope you will think next time before you tell another lie."

"Okay Mommy. I am sorry." I pretended to look meek and sad and Mommy looked satisfied. I was not really sorry and I was not giving up on my dream. I was going to belong to a church no matter what and I was not waiting until I grew up. Nancy and Bobby did not deserve to have anything I did not have. I would think of a way to get what I wanted. I always did.


	3. Opportunity Knocks

Chapter Three

Opportunity Knocks

That night Mommy, Seth and Andrew were going to an end of the school year picnic at Andrew's preschool. I had begged not to go the instant I found out about it so earlier this week Mommy had called the Babysitter's Club to get me a babysitter. She had not told me who it would be and said it would be a surprise. I hoped it would not be Claudia again. All she does when she baby-sits is eat and make huge messes, which she calls "art". Sometimes she tries to make me do art with her but I always refuse since Claudia's version of art is usually tacky and messy.

At exactly 5:30 pm, the doorbell rang. That is one thing I can say for the Babysitter's Club. They are always on time. I ran downstairs from my bedroom to get the door. I opened it and there standing on the front porch was none other than Claudia Kishi herself.

I was gigundoly mad and said in the most disdainful voice I could manage, "Oh it is you, _Caludia_."

"It is _Claudia._" Claudia smiled at me as if I was a stupid baby brat like Andrew. "Your mommy said you especially requested for me to come baby-sit and that I was your very favorite babysitter ever."

Mommy had come into the foyer behind me and I gave her a nasty look. Mommy winked at me. I knew that this was her way of punishing me for being rude about Andrew's picnic and throwing a fit about going to church.

I turned back to face Claudia, "You are a liar." "Caludia" really is how she spells her own name. I know this because one time she had a fight with Kristy and I heard Kristy ranting about it on the phone to her other friend Mary Anne. She called Claudia dumb because she sometimes wrote her name down as "Caludia".

Claudia ignored me and greeted Mommy, "Hi Mrs. Engle. I hope you have a good time at your picnic."

"Thanks Claudia. There is a box of macaroni and cheese and a few hot dogs that you and Karen can eat for dinner. Karen may have Oreo cookies if she finishes her plate. We should be home by nine." Mommy practically flew out the door with Seth and Andrew behind her.

That left me and crazy Blobbia the fat blob. There was a bright spot though. Mommy had not mentioned my television ban to Claudia. The evening would not be a total loss. I would not mention the ban to Claudia and watch as much television as I wanted until Mommy and Seth got home.

"Come on, Karen. Let us go make dinner. You can slice the hot dogs and I will make the macaroni." Claudia sounded cheerful but I could tell she was terrified of me underneath. "I brought some fun art supplies in the kid kit so maybe we can make something together after we eat."

"You got it, Clauds," I mumbled in a sassy tone to Claudia's backside.

"What was that Karen?" Claudia chirped as she started down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Nothing." I snapped back at her in what was probably a meaner tone than I needed but I did not care.

Claudia ignored me and went into the kitchen. There is nothing like the promise of food to entice Claudia away from a bad mood. She probably would have yelled at me like a meanie mo if there had not been macaroni and cheese waiting in the kitchen.

I stood in the doorway of the kitchen watching Claudia fill a pot with water to boil. She put the pot on the burner then she handed me a butter knife. "Get the hot dogs out and start slicing, please."

"I want a sharp knife," I whined.

"Karen, sharp knives are not safe for seven year olds to have." Claudia opened the fridge and handed me a package of hot dogs.

I got out the cutting board and sat at the table. While I cut the hot dogs up, I imagined that I was Cinderella and Claudia was my evil stepmother. In case you could not tell, I really love Cinderella. It is one of my favorite fairy tales. My family certainly treats me just like her. I hope someday my prince will come and I will get the castle I deserve.

Claudia interrupted my Cinderella fantasies, "Karen? I am ready to add in the hot dogs now."

I brought over the cutting board and Claudia dumped the slices into the pot and stirred them in. Then she served us each a plate of macaroni and hot dogs at the kitchen table and poured us some milk. We sat down to eat. There is not much mealtime conversation when you are eating with Blobbia Kishi since she is so hungry all the time.

While eating I checked out Claudia's latest outfit. She always dresses like a major freak and today was no exception. She had on a dress made out of paper grocery sacks trimmed with plastic ones. She had her hair tied back with trash sacks. It was so gigundoly disgusting.

After we ate and cleaned up, Claudia mentioned that there was some art documentary on television. I really hate boring channels that have educational stuff on them but maybe I could convince her to change the channel. I followed her into the living room and joined her on the couch.

I had even better luck than that though. Claudia fell asleep on the couch. She snores and drools in her sleep. She looks like a monster when she does. I really wish Mommy had called another babysitter like Black Jessi to come over. Black Jessi is black so we keep it real whenever she is here. Well I keep it real. Black Jessi sends me to me room for trying to get her to take me to the hood and visit a real crack house. It is gigundoly unfair of her but she says my mommy would be sad if I went there.

I watched Claudia sleep for a few minutes with a sneer on my face. Then I took the remote away from her. I was about to change the channel to cartoons but then I saw an ad than changed my mind. I stared open mouthed at the television. Nannie has a saying about when opportunity knocks, open the door. I was definitely opening the door for this. I curled back up on the couch to watch.


	4. Educational Television

_Note: I am not by any means atheist. In fact I chose my own religion (LDS/Mormon) for Karen to rip off so keep that in mind before leaving me reviews calling me a religion mocking atheist. Also if you love Karen, I am sorry to disappoint you but I'll never write a positive Karen story so don't waste your time reading my stories.___

Chapter 4

Educational Television

Mommy had said I was getting all of my ideas from television and I guess she was right. The documentary I watched while Claudia snoozed away on the couch gave me my best ideas yet.

It was about a man named Joseph Smith who made his own church. He sounded a little crazy if you ask me. He tried all the churches out in town and then after he decided he did not like any of them he made his own. He claimed he saw angels and Jesus and ghosts in a forest near his house and in his bedroom. He also wrote his own special book for his church and made everybody read it. He made it out of some gold plates he dug up in his backyard. Actually he sounded a lot like me, the wonderful Karen Brewer. He was crafty and knew how to take charge. Those are both things I do very well. I deserve to have angels in my house and Jesus in the forest and a gold book buried in my backyard too. Why did that jerk get to have those things? He was just a dumb boy like Sam and Charlie.

I kept watching the show though. After old Joe got knocked off by some killers, his church got bigger and now millions of people belong to it. They have lots of big temples which are like fancy castles. I deserved to have one of those and followers all over the world.

I was gigundoly mad though that he had come up with the idea for this church first. It should have been my idea. Instead of being called Mormons and having a Book of Mormon and Bible, I would call my followers Karenites and they would read the book of Karen. Instead of the church being named The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I would call it The Church of Loyal Worshippers of Karen Brewer. Instead of using the money that people paid for tithing to build church buildings and temples for members to worship in or to help poor people out, I would use it to buy myself a beautiful castle full of toys.

I turned off the television when the show was over and got out a sheet of paper and a big box of crayons. I took out a black crayon and began to write. When I was finished my paper looked like this:

_Karen's Religion Plan_

_Make a list of churches that are close enough to the little house for me to reach on my bicycle._

_Visit all of these churches on Sunday mornings without Mommy or Seth finding out._

_Decide which of the churches that I like the best._

_Convert to new religion and rebelliously attend no matter what Mommy says._

_If I like none of the churches proceed to alternate plan._

_Alternate Plan_

_Form my own church: The Church of Loyal Worshippers of Karen Brewer_

_Write my own special book telling followers how they can best worship me called The Bible of Karenity._

_Kick Andrew out of using the playhouse in the backyard and throw away his toys he stores in there._

_Convert the playhouse into my church building._

_Advertise my church around the neighborhood. Maybe Claudia can help make fliers next time she baby-sits me._

_Charge neighbors money to attend my church._

_Get rich and be worshipped like the goddess I am._

_Laugh at my parents because I have won against them and their no religion craziness._

I smiled happily. It looked like pretty good list and set of plans to me. I glanced at Claudia but she was still asleep. I did not really care that she was asleep. After all I do not need a babysitter but I noticed that the clock said 8:45 and that meant my family would be home soon. If they come home and found me up past my bedtime and Claudia sleeping, we would both be in trouble. I did not want to get in trouble again.

I shook Claudia gently by the shoulder, "Hey Claudia, it is almost time for my mommy and Seth to come home. You will have to wake up now."

Claudia sat up abruptly, "Oh my lord! I cannot believe I have been asleep when I was supposed to be watching you. I am so sorry Karen. I do not know what I will tell your mommy."

I had an idea, "Do not worry, Claudia. I am supposed to be in bed right now and I was supposed to be banned from television for lying to my daddy. If you do not tell my mommy that I was up late and that I watched television, I will not tell her that you fell asleep on the job."

"Thank you so much, Karen. You are the best kid a sitter could ask for." Claudia hugged me in her gratitude. I hugged her back but I did not really want to.

I ran upstairs to my bedroom while Claudia straightened up the living room. I hid my list inside a Bobbsey Twins book that was sitting on my desk. I did not want Mommy to find my list and deter me from reaching my goals. I had learned one lesson from my Club G escapade and it was to be as secretive as possible. Otherwise the grown-ups would stop you from achieving your goals and getting what you deserved. I was not going to be foiled again.

I turned off my bedroom light and pulled my desk chair up to the window so I could watch for my family to get home. I was going to eavesdrop on Claudia and make sure she did not blow my cover. Otherwise I was going to run downstairs, beat her up and blow her cover.

At 9:07, my little house family pulled into the driveway. I slipped out of my room into the hallway and crouched in a spot right at the top of the stairs. That way I could spy easily.

My family walked in. Seth was carrying Andrew who was sleeping like the baby brat he is. Claudia came to the front door to greet them.

Seth said, "Hi Claudia. I will give you a ride home if you need one."

"How was Karen tonight?" Mommy asked her.

Claudia flashed a big smile, "Oh Karen was just fine, Mrs. Engle. We ate dinner. She colored in her coloring books and then she went to bed at eight."

Mommy looked relieved, "Very good."

Seth handed Andrew to Mommy, "Ready to go Claudia?"

"I sure am, Mr. Engle." Claudia answered.

Seth took out his wallet and handed Claudia some money. Then they went out the front door. I scurried back to my room and jumped into my bed before Mommy headed upstairs with Andrew. I needed to get some sleep anyway. Tomorrow was Sunday and I needed all the energy I could get for exploring churches. I was gigundoly excited.


	5. Sneaky Worship

Chapter Five

Sneaky Worship

I got up bright and early on Sunday morning. I needed time to get ready and to figure out a way to go on an extended bike ride without Mommy being suspicious. I was not normally allowed to be riding my bike for very far or by myself.

I began to rummage through my closet for something nice to wear. You have to dress nice for church. Nancy has a lot of church dresses. I have seen them in her closet. I could not dress too nice though. For one thing, it would not be practical to wear something fancy while riding my bike and for another, I did not want to make Mommy or Seth suspicious.

I settled on a denim jumper with a purple and white striped long sleeve t-shirt underneath. I did my hair in a side ponytail with a purple scrunchie and put on white knee-socks and purple Mary Jane shoes with thick soles. I surveyed myself in the mirror and decided I looked cute but casual. It was the most gigundoly perfect outfit.

I ran downstairs for breakfast. Only Mommy was awake. She sat at the table drinking a mug of coffee and reading the newspaper. I got out cereal and milk then sat down to join her.

"Good morning, Karen. You certainly are up early," Mommy said as I served myself frosted flakes.

I poured milk on my cereal, "Well it is a nice day outside and I do not want to waste any of it. I am going to go bike riding after I eat."

"Make sure you stay in the neighborhood. And wear your helmet." Mommy said absently and went back to reading her newspaper.

"Do not worry Mommy. I will," I was only half lying. I would wear my helmet for sure but as for leaving the neighborhood I was not making any promises.

I gobbled down my breakfast and put my dishes into the dishwasher without saying another word to Mommy. She was so absorbed in her newspaper anyway that I doubt she cared. Then I went out to the garage and got out my bike. Soon I was riding down the street.

I tried to remember where the closest church to my house was. I thought it might be two streets over and near the playground so that was the way I went. I had ridden my bike to the playground lots of times so if anyone asked where I was riding to that is where I would say.

Soon I was getting tired but I had not found the church yet. I had not found any churches yet. Discouraged, I sat down on the sidewalk with my bike beside me and pouted. I just had to find a church or the whole day would be wasted. I was tired so I leaned back and felt something hard behind me. I turned around to see what it was. It was a sign. I read the sign and suddenly I felt very happy. The sign was a church sign. Not just for any church either but for the church from the television show I had seen last night. It was like a good omen.

Quickly, I found some bushes and stashed my bike and helmet inside them. I brushed off my dress and adjusted my ponytail so that I looked extra beautiful. After I had done that I got up and went to the door of the church. Other people were walking in so I followed them and tried to look inconspicuous.

I was disappointed to see that the inside of the church was rather boring. It was just rooms and white paint and a brown carpet. Boo and bullfrogs. It should have looked like a castle. There was even a kitchen and a basketball court. It was almost as boring as the inside of my school.

I heard some people mention going into a room called the chapel so I joined the crowd heading down the hall into a room which must be the chapel. People were sitting down on long cushioned benches. I scanned the room for a place to sit down but before I could find one, someone touched my arm and stopped me.

"Excuse me little girl. Are you lost? I am Bishop Harding and I have never seen you here before." A very tall man in a suit had stopped me.

"Um I am just visiting," I smiled my biggest smile and hoped that would get him away from me. The last thing I needed was another suspicious grown up on my case.

The man looked like he might believe me but then another voice piped up, "No Daddy. That is Karen Brewer. She does not belong here." It was my worst enemy, Pamela Harding. She was dressed in a gigundoly sophisticated outfit of a black sheath dress, red cardigan sweater, black tights and red shoes with low heels on them.

Pamela's daddy smiled at her, "Why not honey?"

"Kids are not supposed to be at church without their parents or a grown up. I do not see a grown up with Karen. Also Karen does not belong to our church. She has never been here before or I would know about it. Karen is too fat and ugly to miss easily." Pamela gave me a nasty smirk.

Pamela's stupid daddy kept smiling, "Well here is what we will do. Karen will come to my office and then she can call her family and see if she can stay for church. She can sit with you and you can take her to primary with you."

"No Daddy!" Pamela whined but her daddy did not care.

I was not sure what to do. If we called my mommy, I was going to be in huge trouble but if I ran away or threw a fit, Pamela would tell everyone at school and it might leak back to my mommy anyway. There are some really gigundoly big mouthed kids at school like Hannie and Nancy who tell their mommies everything.

"Karen?" He motioned for me to follow and I decided I would. Well really I was mad at Pamela for being here and seeing her here had made me realize that visiting all the churches in town was a bad idea. There was probably a kid I hated as much as Pamela at every single one. I decided I would face whatever punishment Mommy gave me today and then I would form my own church. I deserved to be worshipped anyway.

Pamela's daddy led me into his office. I gave him my phone number and sat down in a comfy chair while he dialed. He had a dish of candy on his desk and told me I could help myself. I took a big handful of course.

"Hi Mrs. Engle? This is Pamela Harding's father. Karen showed up at our church this morning and I would like your permission for her to stay and attend class with Pamela." He was quiet for a moment, "Uh huh, okay. I am sorry Karen cannot stay but I understand. I will tell her you said so. Bye!"

"What did she say?" I asked although I already knew the answer.

"She is coming to pick you up and would like you to be waiting in the parking lot when she gets here. Sorry you could not stay today, Karen. I will walk you out." He stood up and opened the door.

Once I was out in the parking lot, I retrieved my bike from underneath the bushes and sat down on a curb to wait. Mommy got there soon and she looked gigundoly mad.

She waited until she had put my bike in the trunk to yell at me, "How could you disobey me Karen? I thought you understood. No television or unsupervised bike rides for a month."

I was sorry about the extended television plan but I did not care about the bike rides. I could not wait to get home and get started on my church. And if Mommy does not like it then boo and bullfrogs to her.


	6. The Trouble With Andrew

Chapter 6

The Trouble with Andrew

Once we got home and my bike had been put away, Mommy went into the kitchen to help Seth make lunch. She sent me up to my room to wait and to think about what I had done wrong.

I flopped on my bed. This was gigundoly unfair. All I wanted to do was see a church but Mommy had foiled me again. I would have to resort to my alternate plan of starting my own church. It would be way better than any church that my friends go to because I would be running it.

A little bit later, Mommy came into my room. I was scribbling down some more ideas for my church and humming to myself. I was very excited about my church and having people worship me. It would be better than any stinky church my meanie mo friends go to.

Mommy sat on the bed next to me. She put her fat behind right on top of my religion list. It was very rude of her but she did not seem to care, "Karen, I do not know what more Daddy or I can say to you. I am sorry that you want a religion like your friends but I have very strong feelings against joining one and so does Daddy."

I frowned, "But Mommy, it is not fair. Nothing bad happened when I snuck into Pamela's church."

Mommy patted me on my back, "Something bad did happen, Karen. You lied to both Seth and I. You made us sad. You were sneaky and disobedient. Now you are in trouble."

"Yes but those bad things are not my fault at all," I could not believe how Mommy was trying to twist things around to make me look bad.

Mommy shook her head, "Just come eat lunch now, Karen."

I followed her to the kitchen. Andrew and Seth were eating cold fried chicken and potato salad. I sat down to join them with a new scheme in my head. I was grounded to the house but not to my room. I could begin working on turning the playhouse into the most wonderful church ever after I ate lunch.

I decided to mention my plan to play in the playhouse but conveniently left out the part about the church, "After I eat lunch, I am going to go play in the playhouse by myself.

Andrew and Seth looked at each other then Seth cleared his throat, "Well, Karen, Andrew already had plans to play with his dinosaurs out there."

I did my tiger growl at both of them. Andrew is such a baby brat, "But I really want to play there."

"Well Karen, if you could be nice then maybe you and Andrew can both play there. You may not leave the yard though," Mommy suggested.

I did not want to share anything with Andrew and I did not think I should have to share with him since he is so mean to me all the time. Still, I really wanted to play in the playhouse and work on my church and did not want to waste another minute even if Andrew was in the way. I could take care of that. I made a decision.

"Oh yes I can share with Andrew," I smiled sweetly even though I did not mean it. I hate Andrew's guts but I am a gigundoly good actress.

Mommy did not look like she believed me but she did not say so, "Okay, Karen. You help Seth and I clean up then you may join Andrew in the playhouse."

After the kitchen was clean, I ran to my room and filled my back pack with everything I thought I might need to make my church the best ever. I trotted out to the backyard to find Andrew in the playhouse. He had turned it into a dino-zone. I decided I would do my best to ignore him so I did not get in trouble. This was one plan I did not want Mommy to stop.

Andrew did not pay any attention when I came into the playhouse. I was not amused. How dare he ignore the great and powerful Goddess Karen Brewer? Did he not realize that I deserve respect and to be worshipped?

I greeted him with a shout, "HELLO ANDREW!"

Andrew glanced up at with an irritated look on his face, "Hello Karen. Please do not bother me while I am having a war of t-rex versus triceratops."

I went to a corner in the corner of the playhouse that was away from Dino-Andrew so I could work in peace and quiet. I pulled out a stack of paper and a box of crayons and set to work. I wanted to make flyers advertising my church to put up around the neighborhood.

The first flyer I made looked like this:

"COME ONE COME ALL TO THE CHURCH OF KAREN BREWER, Monday starting at 9 am, Admission: 1 dollar each. Location: Karen's playhouse."

I decorated it with a map to my house and a big picture of me which I made gigundoly beautiful. I gave myself a big chest, the loveliest lady dress ever and movie star hair. I was very pleased.

After my first flyer was done I made several more with each picture of myself each more beautiful than the last. When I had made ten flyers I decided this was a good number but now I was not sure how to deliver them. Mommy had said to stay in the yard and I knew Andrew would tattle on me.

I stared at Andrew with his meanie mo dinosaurs fighting each other for a few minutes and thought. Suddenly I had an idea. Andrew cannot read. Andrew was also not grounded to the yard like I was. Maybe he could deliver my flyers for me. I also needed Andrew out of the way so I could begin turning the playhouse into a church.

I walked over to Andrew. He was so busy that he did not see me. I poked him in the arm, "Hey Andrew, can you do me a favor?"

"I do not know, Karen. You have not done any favors for me lately," Andrew continued playing with his dinosaurs.

I thought fast, "I will pay you Andrew. I will pay you a bag of cookies that I am hiding in my closet and a whole sheet of glittery star sticks."

Andrew was not going for it, "I would like real money, Karen. Cookies and stickers are good but I need cash to buy more dinosaurs."

Andrew was being so unfair. He knew my allowance was cut off and that I had no money left after the misunderstanding with Club G. I did not have any money but I had another idea.

"Wait here, Andrew. I will get you money." I ran into the house with my fingers crossed. I needed all the luck I could get.

Mommy and Seth were in the living room watching television. I tiptoed into the foyer of the house to where I knew Mommy often left her purse. It was hanging up on a hook. I took it down and started rummaging for her wallet. I opened it up. There were credit cards and Mommy's driver's license but those were not what I was looking for. I looked in the side pocket and saw cash and coins. I took a five and put the wallet back. I did not want Mommy to get suspicious about me taking money so I did not take a lot.

I ran upstairs and grabbed the cookies and stickers from my closet. Then I went back downstairs and out to the yard with Andrew. He was still playing with dinosaurs and had started building a lego mountain for them to sit on.

"I am back," I announced.

"Ok Karen," Andrew continued building the lego mountain.

"Andrew, I got a five dollars and the cookies and the stickers if you will do a favor for me. Go and put one of these invitations on the door steps of every kid on the street. I am having a party and I will invite you if you help me. " I knew that Andrew loves parties.

The money got Andrew's attention, "Ok Karen. Five dollars will get me a lot of dinosaurs at the dollar store. I will help you."

Andrew took my stack of flyers and headed out through the side gate of the yard. Mission accomplished. With Andrew out of my way and delivering my files I could finally get down to work. I smiled happily. I did not have a moment to lose.


	7. Sunday on Monday

Chapter Seven

Sunday on Monday

Monday morning, I was up bright and early. Andrew said he had done his job and delivered all the flyers. I told him he could not tell Mommy when I gave him his prize or I would beat him up later. I did not want her to trace the missing money back to me.

I was gigundo excited. I could not wait to see who showed up to my church. I dressed in a black t-shirt over black leggings. I tied a white neck tie I had pilfered from Andrew around my neck. Now I sort of looked like a real priest. Of course I also looked like Chunkia Kishi but never mind that.

I pranced happily into the kitchen for breakfast. Mommy was already there cooking oatmeal for Andrew who was chugging a glass of orange juice at the table. What a baby brat. He should have poured me a glass of juice too.

"Good morning, Mommy. I love oatmeal," I said cheerfully as I sat down at the table.

Mommy turned away from the stove, "I am not cooking any for you, Karen. You were not up when I started the pot so if you want to eat you will have to get up and find something."

As soon as she turned back to the stove, I stuck my tongue out at her. Amazingly, Andrew did not notice. My mommy is the meanest mommy in the whole world. I am only seven. I should not have to make my own breakfast but they treat me just like Cinderella.

I went over to the cupboard and grabbed a box of toaster pastries. I popped them in the toaster and poured a cup of milk. When my pastries were done, I joined Andrew and Mommy at the table. The oatmeal was done. Really, I was happy that Mommy had not made me any since chocolate filled pastries are much yummier. I do love oatmeal but I had pastries and Andrew did not so I won.

By 8:30 I was back outside in the playhouse. I had done a good job rearranging it to make a church. I had put my table at the front with a box on top for a pulpit with the Bible of Karenity on top of it. It told all the ways to worship me. I had written it all by myself after I had gotten another punishment last night for tossing Andrew's dinosaurs out of the playhouse and into the trash bin. Meanie mo Mommy had made me dig the dinosaurs out and then go to my bedroom. I do not think that was fair of her. I needed those dinosaurs out of my way to build my church.

In front of my pulpit, I had lined up all the playhouse chairs, the playhouse sofa, a bean bag chair and some pillows for my worshippers to sit on. Overall I was pleased with it.

I sat down in front of the playhouse to wait for other kids to show up. It was very boring At 8:45, Natalie Springer wandered into my yard. She was wearing saggy socks, and a saggy dress with what looked like jelly stains on the front of it. I shuddered in disgust at how sloppy she looked but then smiled. After all money is money.

"Welcome to the Church of Karen! That will be one dollar please." I held out my hand.

Natalie placed a dollar into it, "Church? I thought the flyer said circus? Andrew said it was a party and that is a circus not a church. Church is boring and no fun."

I could not believe how illiterate Natalie was. We are in the second grade and I have been reading since preschool but stupid, sloppy Natalie cannot tell the word church from circus. I know it is her stupidity and not my fault because I have perfect handwriting.

"Do not worry, Natalie. It will be a lot of fun." I ushered her inside the playhouse and resumed my post watching for more kids.

Nancy soon arrived with Hannie, "We are here for the circus, As soon as I got your flyer, I called Hannie and invited her over. We love going to the circus."

Circus? What were they talking about? Maybe I was the only smart and literate person in town. I did not want to lose any worshippers though so I smiled and took their money without another word.

A few minutes later, Ricky and Bobby got there with the same story about wanting to see a circus that the other kids had had. I could not believe it. I had the most gigundoly dumb friends in the whole world. I took their money and let them in though because money talks.

At 9:05 I could hear my friends getting impatient with me inside the playhouse. Ricky was shouting, "Circus! Circus! We want the circus!"

I was about to go inside the playhouse and start my sermon when my mortal enemies Pamela, Jannie and Leslie arrived. Pamela had a sneer on her face and a piece of paper in her hand.

Pamela waved the paper in my face, "Having fun Circus-Girl?"

"I am not having a circus, Pamela. It is the Church of Karen," I snapped at her.

"It looks like this flyer says there is a circus to me," Pamela handed me the flyer and her friends laughed at me.

I looked at the paper. Sure enough it was one of the flyers I had made yesterday but instead of 'church' someone had put white out on the paper and written the word 'circus'.

I gasped in horror, "What did you do Pamela?"

Pamela laughed, "It was easy. I saw Andrew carrying the flyers and asked him to show me one. When I saw what it said, I knew I had to ruin it somehow. Andrew is very dopey. I bribed him with money and gave him a bowl of ice cream to eat while I changed the flyers. Andrew was very happy with the twenty dollars I gave him. He said you are a cheapskate who only gave him five for the hard work of going around the neighborhood to deliver the flyers."

I was speechless. Pamela was so evil. She was right that Andrew is a huge dope but only I am allowed to take advantage of him. While I struggled to find a response, rage began to build again and I growled my tiger grown at her.

Pamela surprised me by shoving three dollars into my hand, 'It will be worth the money seeing you fall on your face with your joke of a church."

I followed the three of them inside and made my way to the pulpit. It was very loud in there so I screamed to get my friend's attention, "QUIET! I would like to make an announcement. I am not having a circus. There has been a big mistake. This is my church and I would like to read to you from the Bible of Karenity."

That got their attention so I continued, "The first rule at my church is that everyone worship me. I am Karen the Goddess of the entire world but you can call me Bishop Karen. Second rule is that to show your worship you devote all your money and attention to me."

I could hear the other kids start talking again. They were ignoring me so I raised my voice to be heard over their disrespect, "I have written a prayer. It is called the Karen Prayer. It goes like this: Hail Karen, Goddess supreme, Queen of the world and the universe, we love you forever and ever. We will give you everything and do anything to make you happy. Amen!"

None of the other kids said amen. In fact none of them responded to me at all. They were ignoring me completely. I shrieked and did the tiger growl again and started charging them. That did the trick. They all were finally quiet and were cowering in fear from me.

"This is my church. Why are you all not listening to me? You need to be quiet and be polite when Bishop Karen is talking," I tried not to whine but I could not help it.

"Karen, your church is boring and not fun to us. We came over wanting to play circus. This is not good for us," Ricky looked at the ground while he said this.

Bobby added, "Yea I went to church yesterday. The last thing I need is a Sunday on Monday. Can we play something fun now?"

I frowned, "I need to go in and use the bathroom. I will decide when I get back out."

I ran inside the house. I could not believe that my church was not working. I needed a solution fast.


	8. In The Playhouse of Hell

Chapter 8

I'm In the Playhouse of Hell

My followers were not loyal at all. My friends had come over wanting to play in my playhouse and not to listen to my sermon. That sneaky Pamela had lied that there would be a circus to trick them. It was a disaster. I had to get their attention back where it belonged which was on me, Goddess I mean Bishop Karen Brewer.

I went inside the house to use Seth's computer to do some internet research. I needed to find out what other churches did about irreverent people.

It turns out that some churches believe that bad people go to Hell. Hell is a place made of lava and fire. It sounded gigundo bad. I did not think I could make something like that although I wanted to. I would get into trouble for burning my friends. I thought it was unfair that I would get in trouble for burning them especially since they were bad and bad people deserved to be burned in Hell. Well boo and bull frogs.

I thought gigundoly hard about what I could do. Then I had an idea. Hell was sort of like a jail for bad dead people. I just needed to make a jail for the bad kids at my church. In jail, bad people go in cages. I did not have a cage. But in the garage, we had a doggy crate with a cage door. It had been for Midgie but Midgie did not it. Seth said it was too big for the kind of dog that Midgie was. Seth bought her a smaller crate but he did not get rid of the big one.

I went to ask Mommy if I could use the crate in the playhouse. She and Andrew were in the kitchen. Andrew was eating a snack. It was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. What a pig! All that baby brat does is eat. Mommy was drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.

Andrew sounded annoyed to see me, "Oh it is Karen the crazy."

Mommy sighed, "Do not start Andrew."

I could feel rage bubbling inside me. I wanted to attack Andrew gigundoly bad. I am sure he could see it in my eyes because he started cowering in his booster seat.

Mommy must have seen it too because she glared at me and snapped, "You do not start either, Karen Brewer."

"Yeah, do not start, Karen," Andrew smirked and shoved another bite of sandwich into his mouth.

I grabbed onto a chair to control my rage and smiled my sweetest smile at Mommy, "Mommy, may I borrow Midgie's old doggy crate from the garage. We are playing pet shop in the playhouse."

"Well I suppose so, Karen," Mommy answered without looking up from her newspaper.

Goody Gumdrops! I ran from the kitchen to the garage without another word. I found the crate very fast but Seth had set a tool box full of nails, screws, hammers and screwdrivers on top of it. I tried to lift the tool box to move it but it was too heavy for me to move.

I was gigundoly frustrated. I growled angrily at the tool box. I was so mad about being unable to pick it up that the box started to remind me of Andrew. I was still angry with him for calling me crazy in the kitchen. I backed up away from the tool box and charged into it. My annoyance with Andrew gave me enough strength to ram the tool box off the doggy crate. It fell to the ground with a big slam and the tools scattered everywhere. It sure was a big mess.

I ignored the mess for now and dragged the doggy crate towards the door. I had to hurry or my friends might all go home before I could show them the wonders of Karen Brewer Hell.

I got back out to the backyard. Hannie and Nancy were outside the playhouse playing "Miss Mary Mack" with each other in the grass. Bobby and Ricky were playing catch with a tennis ball that belonged to Midgie. Natalie was swinging on the swing set. It looked like Pamela, Jannie and Leslie had left. I would put them in Hell next time they came over.

"Listen up everyone," I bellowed as loud as I could, "This doggy crate is Hell. Hell is where bad kids who do not want to participate in my church go. I will put anyone who is bad during my sermon in here and make them stay until I am done preaching."

The other kids stared at me with their mouths open. Nobody spoke. Nobody moved to go back to the church either. That made me very mad.

"DID YOU ALL HEAR ME?" I shrieked at them.

I saw Hannie roll her eyes, "We heard you Karen. We want to play something else now. I am sorry. We could play Let's All Come In?

I stomped my foot, "No we cannot play that. That is a game for a mansion not this measly shack my Mommy calls a house. Besides this is my yard and I wanted to play Church of Karen."

Ricky shrugged, "Well Karen, we are done playing that. It was boring to us. We were tricked that a circus was coming and you gave us a big boring surprise."

Bobby snickered, "It was more like the playhouse from hell than a pretend church."

"You were not very nice to us either," Natalie piped up.

I glared at her. Natalie is such a major dork. "I do not have to be nice at my own house. Here I make the rules."

"No Mommy does," I turned around to see Andrew. Mommy was right behind him and she did not look happy.

"Yes Mommy?" I said in a sweet voice.

Mommy was very mad when she spoke but she did not shout. Probably because my friends were there. "First of all, you made a very big mess in the garage out of Seth's tools. I want you to have it all cleaned up before Seth gets home. Second of all, you lied about what you were using the doggy crate for. I heard everything that you said. You may not lock your friends in a doggy crate for any reason. Third, I have told you to drop this religion fascination that you have developed and I find you playing a mean church game that hurts your friends' feelings. Lastly, I heard you insulting our house and referring to it as a measly shack. Seth and I work hard to put a roof over your head. I am sorry that we are not as well off as your father but this is not a shack."

"But Mommy…" I saw my friends scurrying off through the side gate while Mommy talked. She had scared them off. Boo and Bullfrogs.

"No Karen. There is no excuse for the way you are treating your friends. I want the crate put in the garage and the mess cleaned up. Then you are to report to your room. When Seth gets home, we will call your father and discuss a suitable punishment for what you have done." Mommy said firmly.

I did not say anything. The anger I had been struggling to contain all day boiled over. I shrieked like a wounded animal and charged into Mommy. Unfortunately Mommy was used to my rages and grabbed me before I could attack. She stuck me in the doggy crate and picked it up and hauled it into the garage. I was so startled that I stopped screaming. This was child abuse!

Mommy set the crate on the garage floor and opened the door. I scrambled out on all fours and glanced up at her. I did not know what to say to her.

Mommy said, "Karen, I am at the end of my rope. I will leave you in here until you clean. I will check on you in ten minutes."

I stuck out my lower lip and pouted as she walked out the door. I started cleaning up so she would not lock me in the doggy crate but I had to come up with a new plan.


	9. Andrew Goes Too Far

Chaper Nine

Andrew Goes Too Far

After cleaning up the garage, I went to my room to pout about what had happened. My friends were so scared of Mommy they would probably never want to play with me again. I also did not have a church of my own yet. It was gigundoly unfair. It was all Mommy and Andrew's fault. Well and Pamela Harding's fault too. I could not believe stupid Andrew had been taken in by her lies. He is such a dummy.

I decided I needed to do something to cheer myself up so I turned on the radio. I flipped through the stations but nothing sounded good. Then I hit upon a song with a catchy chorus. I do not know that the rest of the song was about since it was grown up things that did not mean much to me but the chorus was a sign.

_  
Don't stop believin'  
Hold on to the feelin'_

That was right. My friends had stopped believing in me being a Goddess but I could not stop believing in myself. I had to find a way to make them believe me again. I decided that this song would be my new theme song.

Quickly I pulled my shirt off and put it on my legs. I tied it around my waist with Andrew's necktie. A song this good deserved a celebration with the sweater pants dance. I started shrieking the song out as loud as I could. I kept screaming the words long after the song had stopped playing on the radio. I added in extra butt bumps for all of my friends.

Eventually I must have worn myself out screaming because the next thing I knew I was waking up on the floor of my bedroom wearing nothing but my underwear. My head hurt and I realize I had been laying on a stack of books. I sat up groggily and it was then that I heard a horrible sound from downstairs.

The loud sound was Mommy laughing at the top of her lungs. How dare she find anything to laugh about when I was so unhappy? I heard Andrew laughing too and that made me seethe with anger. Neither of them had any business laughing after what they had done earlier.

Quietly I opened the door to my bedroom and tiptoed downstairs. The laughter was coming from the direction of the living room. I slipped into the doorway unnoticed. Mommy was sitting on the sofa and Andrew was standing in front of the television. They were both laughing. Andrew looked ridiculous.

Why did Andrew look ridiculous? Well he was wearing Mommy's yellow yarn mop on his head and a purple dress that I had outgrown and Mommy was planning to give to the thrift store soon. He had on his own red flip flop sandals and was carrying an old purse of Mommy's in his hands. I wanted to rush in and attack him for wearing my old dress but I decided to wait and see if I could figure out what he was doing.

Andrew flashed Mommy a smile and said in a girl voice, "Oh Mommy, can I have a million dollars? I need my own rocket ship. I deserve it. If you do not have money we can sell Andrew for it."

Mommy laughed, "Oh Andrew, you are such an accurate impersonator."

Impersonator? Of who? I kept watching as Andrew twirled the purse around.

Andrew giggled, "Oh Mommy. My birthday is coming. Here is my present list with one thousand presents. I also want a six flags trip for my entire school and both of my families. Daddy is gigundo rich so he can charge it. Make sure to include the list of presents with the presents. Write: RSVP by sending a present."

"Haha, Andrew. That was so funny. Days like this we both need a laugh," Mommy kept laughing with Andrew.

Then it dawned on me that Andrew's impersonation was awfully familiar but I was not sure who he reminded me of. So far they had not spotted me at least so I continued to watch.

"Oh Andrew you baby brat, deliver these flyers for me. I will give you some cookie crumbs for spending all afternoon in the hot sun giving these to the big scary neighborhood kids. I will beat you up and throw your dinosaurs in the garbage if you do not." Andrew shook his behind at Mommy. I would have gotten a spanking for that.

Mommy just laughed, "Wow Andrew I cannot believe she made you do that."

I could not believe it. Andrew was making fun of me. I got ready to pounce on him but clueless Andrew kept prattling on.

"Oh Andrew I see you got a baby paintbrush in Neopets. Now send it to my account with all your neopoints immediately or I will beat you down," Andrew continues.

Suddenly I could not take it anymore. How dare he make fun of me? Besides I deserved those items in Neopets far more than Andrew did. I have been waiting for a baby paintbrush a lot longer than he has. Andrew was going too far. I did my tiger growl and charged into the room and tackled Andrew. I began shrieking at him as I yanked his hair and kicked him. Andrew cried and cried. I did not care though. I kept pummeling him until Mommy snapped out of her shock to pull me off of him.

Mommy sat on the floor restraining me in her lap but I kept kicking to get free. Andrew was wailing at the top of his lungs still. I had given him a bloody nose and hopefully a black eye it looked like.

Mommy put me in a headlock with one arm and reach over to stroke Andrew. "Poor Andy-Pandy. Are you okay honey?"

I was livid, "What about me? Why are you not asking if I am okay? Andrew really hurt my feelings and that is gigundoly unfair. Making fun of people is very unfair."

Mommy ignored me and kept talking to Andrew, "Sweetie, where does it hurt?"

"Mommy, my chest hurts. I cannot breath very good," Andrew whined.

Mommy lifted his shirt and put her free hand on his chest and began feeling around until Andrew screamed. "It hurts really bad right here."

"I think you might have a cracked rib. Karen I cannot believe you have done this. Now I need to take Andrew to the hospital. That is not very fair to him or to me. Andrew not being able to breathe is a very serious problem. You have hurt him very badly. I will go call a babysitter to come watch you Karen, so I can take Andrew without you." Mommy set me on the rug and scooped up Andrew.

"You are a big phony and a dummy, Andrew. I did not hurt you and you owe me an apology." I snapped at him.

Andrew and Mommy both ignored me. Mommy pulled out her cell phone and dialed, "Hi. Kristy? I know it is not a regular babysitter meeting time so I am calling you at home. I have an emergency here and I need a sitter for Karen as soon as possible. Do you know who might be free?"

Kristy must have hung up on Mommy to call someone after that but a few minutes later she called back and Mommy talked to her again. "Okay, Kristy. You say that Mallory Pike is free and her mom will run her over here as fast as she can. Thank you so much. Bye!"

Boo and bull frogs. I hate Nerdlory Pike almost as much as Chubbia Kishi. Mallory is a gigundo loser who tried to read me horrible stories she has written every time she comes over. She also likes to dress up in my Mommy's clothes and makeup and pretend she is a grownup. It is our little secret. I do not tell Mommy about Meanlory dressing up in her clothes if she does not tell Mommy about me beating her up and eating cake for dinner. It is a win-win situation. I still do not like her though. She is very annoying and not cool at all.

Mommy hung up the phone, "Karen, Mallory Pike will be here soon to babysit you while I take Andrew to the doctor. I will talk to Daddy and Seth when I get home so we can decide what a suitable punishment for breaking your little brother's ribs might be."

Ugh, another punishment I did not deserve. Life is gigundoly unfair.


	10. A Nerd's Tale

Chapter Ten

A Nerd's Tale

I was peeping through the curtains in my room awhile later when I saw the Pike family mini van pull into the driveway. Out of it climbed Mallory in all her nerdy glory which made me roll my eyes big time. I was gigundo annoyed by the whole situation. Andrew had been mocking and insulting me yet here I was being punished again while he was being babied and cuddled and taken to the hospital where he would probably get a sticker for being good from the nurse. What a baby brat!

I flopped on my bed and rolled over to face my stuffed cat Goosie. I pretended I was Goosie and said in my best squeaky cat voice, "Do not worry, Karen. I still love you if your own Mommy is a lunatic."

"Thank you,

Goosie. I love you too," I could hear Mommy driving away but Nerdlory was ignoring me. I decided to do some spying to see what she was doing.

I tiptoed out to the living room. Mallory was sitting on the couch texting on her phone. She was wearing a Justin Bieber shirt and watching Teen Mom on TV. Nerdlory always tries really hard to be cool but I think she would be happier watching a horse movie while reading a horse book and wearing a unicorn t-shirt.

Mallory looked up from her phone. _Drat, she spotted me. _I fumed silently and she looked at me and frowned. I stood and waited for her to tell me to go back to my room. I was sure we would not be having a cake dinner and hanging out in Mommy's closet after Mommy's latest escapades.

Mallory did not yell at me. Instead she patted the spot next to me on the sofa, "Have a seat, Karen."

I rolled my eyes. Why in the world would I want to sit with Nerdlory? "No thank you, Mallory. I am perfectly fine just standing up."

Mallory shrugged, "Suit yourself, Karen. You've had quite a busy day and I thought you might like to talk about it."

I sighed, "You thought wrong."

"You know, at school I had a roommate when I first got there who had your attitude and does not have any friends now because she kept doing mean things like reading my diary and drawing ugly faces on my photos. I am sure you want people to be your friend. " Mallory was apparently practicing the reverse psychology garbage that Stacey McGill used to trick my friend Amanda Delaney.

"Well I do have friends. I do not need everyone to be my friend. Some people like Pamela Harding do not deserve to have any friends whatsoever. She should be grateful I even let her come over here after how atrocious her Daddy was to me." I snapped.

"I heard your friends are mad at you," Mallory reminded me.

Stupid Mommy. Always spilling the beans about my business to everyone. "I will make it up to them and they will forgive me."

Mallory turned the television off and reached into her bag which was on the floor next to her to pull a book out. Apparently she remembered my tv ban. "I would be very sad if Kristy was as mean to me as you were to the other kids. I thought you wanted to be like Kristy."

"Ha! Well Kristy only wishes she could be as wonderful as me. She probably never came up with any idea as great as "Karen's Church". No, all she had was that stupid baby sitter's club. A club is not as great as a religion."

Mallory set her book down. It looked like one of those cheapo romance novels that Mommy reads secretly on nights when Seth has to work late and then hides them in a secret stash under their bed, "Karen, I do not know why you are so interested in going to a church. I go to Stoneybrook Community Church every Sunday and it is not a lot of fun. Sometimes it is very boring. Also one time when I was your age something not very good happened there. We almost did not go back after that."

I was gigundo curious about why Mallory would have not gone back. I sat down next to her. "What happened?"

"Well Margo was just three years old at the time and Claire just a year old. They were little like Emily Michelle but not babies anymore. The church has a room for very small children to go to. It is called Toddler Sunday School. It is a play room with toys and snacks. Toddlers do not know how to hold still for church," Mallory said.

I nodded my head knowingly, "And they are baby brats."

Mallory frowned, "That is not what I meant. Anyway, that Sunday I remember Vanessa and I walking with my mom to take Margo and Claire to the room with the other toddlers. Dad had Nicky and the triplets. There were not many kids there that day because it was supposed to snow and it was very cold but we live close by so it was not too hard for us to get home."

I rolled my eyes, "Get to the point already."

"It's a long story, Karen. Anyway, sometimes after we picked Margo up she would have bite marks or bruises. After eight kids, my parents would shrug it off as kids will be kids. They should not have done that. This was Claire's first Sunday that she was big enough for the toddler room. Claire was ok with it and sat down to play with Margo. There was just one other child in the room. Mom, Vanessa and I were part way down the hall when we started hearing screams from the toddler room. We ran back. It was Claire." Mallory paused for a minute.

"Why did Claire scream? Was she sad you left her?" I would have been screaming with happiness to be away from the nerdy Pikes myself.

Mallory shook her head, "No she was not sad because we left her. We came back in the room. We could not believe it. Mrs. Brecken, the lady who was in charge was holding the other child in her arms. It was a little girl. I think her name was Cara or something like that. Cara was screaming and kicking and straining to get away from Mrs. Brecken and get back to Claire. Margo was standing on a table yelling, "Cara mean!" Claire was sitting on the floor. She had a bad bite mark on her arm and was bleeding. Cara had bit her so hard it bled. Cara it turns out was mean a lot. My parents never complained but other parents complained every Sunday. Mom grabbed Claire and was comforting her. I gave Mom the little first aid kit from her purse so she could clean Claire's bit mark. Pastor Jones had heard the screaming as did a lot of other people and soon Cara's parents came."

Cara sounded like a big meanie mo, "What happened to Cara?"

Mallory thought for a moment before she answered, "When Cara's parents came in, Mrs. Brecken said "That is the last straw. Your daughter is out of control. She bites, kicks and hits every Sunday. She is a spoiled brat. Now she has managed to bite hard enough to draw blood. You two are the worst excuses for parents I have ever seen to let your daughter become this out of control." She was very angry. Cara's mom was pregnant and started to cry. Cara's dad grabbed her and gave her a spanking. Cara continued to scream. Mrs. Brecken demanded that Pastor Jones ban Cara from the toddler room."

"Did he ban her?" I wanted to know.

"He did not say anything. My mom spoke up and said that maybe everyone was overreacting and that sometimes kids bite so maybe the parents needed help rather than criticism. Mrs. Brecken said my mom was delusional and in denial and had so many kids she probably wasn't even aware of how we behaved which really upset my mom. Cara's mom grabbed Cara and said that she would never go to any church ever again because of how people were treating her daughter and that they were judging her as a mom.. Cara's family stormed out of the room. Pastor Jones still hadn't said anything. He was just standing there. My mom was carrying Claire and had Margo by the hand. My dad had come in by this point. She told my dad what Mrs. Brecken had said and insisted we leave so we did. My mom did not want to come back. We stayed home for several weeks. Then one night Pastor Jones came over and talked to my parents and after that we started going back to church. I do not know what he said but I do know we never saw Cara again and someone else was running the toddler room. " Mallory finished the story with a far away look in her eye.

"Maybe Margo and Claire deserved it." I was thinking Cara sounded mean but then I remembered how mean Margo always is to me. We went to Sea City once and she was bossy to me all week. Plus she impersonated a mermaid to trick me. That was very mean of her.

"Karen! No one deserves to be hurt by someone else. I know you do not like Margo but that was not the point of my story. I meant that out of eleven years that I have been going there that was the only exciting thing that ever happened. Most Sundays are very boring. I know you want to go to church but maybe you are lucky that you do not. I sometimes wish my parents did not make me go." Mallory had a gigundoly grumpy look on her face.

"I do not care. I still think I need my church." In case you could not guess or did not know by now I do not give up easily on anything.

Mallory looked at me with her eyes looking extra mean and beady from behind her glasses, "Why?"

I stomped my foot, "because I want it."

"Why do you want it?" Mallory asked.

"All my friends have a church," I replied.

"But why do you need one, Karen?" Mallory continued to press me.

I had not thought of any other reason other than wanting what my friends have. I was not going to let Mallory know that. "The great and wonderful Karen Brewer does not have to reveal her secrets to the likes of you, Mallory Pike!"

Mallory laughed, "I'll bet you don't have a real reason, Karen."

She was right but I was not going to let her know that. I did my tiger growl but I did not have the energy to fight Mallory.


	11. The Devil Inside

Chapter Eleven

The Devil Inside

Nerdlory had annoyed me with her story. Cara sounded like a baby brat and I am sure Margo and Claire got what they deserved. I was also not happy about how nosy her questions were. besides chitchat with Mallory prevented me from more important activities like cooking up more schemes for my church.

Mallory read her book. I sat in silence next to her writing on a notepad. I could not think of any good church ideas. Boo and Bullfrogs.

In my room, I have a wonderful dollhouse that Seth made me a few months ago. sometimes using it helps me come up with ideas. I went to my room. Mallory did not notice me go.

I had a princess doll for me and a green haired troll for Andrew. I had a shoe box full of dolls that I keep next to the house.

I put the Karen doll on a bed "Andrew! "

I made the troll talk in my best whiny baby voice, "Yes Karen?"

"Listen to my song! Andrew, Andrew, stinks like glue. Andrew, Andrew I hate you." I laughed maniacally.

"Wahhh!" I made troll Andrew cry then I tossed him aside for a plastic baby wearing a pink bonnet.

I changed my song to be Emily instead of Andrew and sung it again. I got more dolls and sung the song again for other people in my two families and my friends. I made up new lyrics as I sung. I am a good song writer. I once wrote a Thanksgiving song for a school play and gave myself lots of solo parts because I am a star. I called Emily a baby brat and Pamela a meanie mo and Nancy a traitor. I sung until I was bored and plopped on my bed. I did not like to admit it but the Karen evil train was running out of steam. I missed my friends and was starting to think maybe I should give up on my church and apologize to the other kids.

I picked up Goosie. "What do you think, Goosie? Should I give up on my church?"

"Karen, never give up on your dreams!" I made Goosie say in a squeaky voice.

I threw Goosie against the wall, "Stupid Goosie. I am fresh out of ideas for making my dreams come true."

I got up and turned my radio on. I was hoping that once again the radio would help me out. I was at a crossroads. If I could not find a new idea to make myself the supreme goddess of Karenity then I did not know what else to do. Having my friends not be mad at me would be nice but it would be boring.

_Here come the world_

_With the look in its eye_

_Future uncertain but certainly slight_

_Look at the faces_

_Listen to the bells_

_It's hard to believe we need a place called hell_

_The devil inside_

_The devil inside_

_Every single one of us the devil inside_

I switched the radio back off. I did not really have the energy to do my sweater pants dance but the song had given me a good idea. I had been using Midgie's doggy crate as hell where I wanted bad kids to go but I forgot the rest I had read on Seth's computer about hell. Not only did bad people go there but it was run by the devil. The devil is a bad guy who influences people to do mean things and he makes evil things happen with black magic. Or at least that is how I interpret it.

I was through with my church. All my friends have one but why should I have what my friends do? I am Karen Brewer. I am more special than them so I should not have what they have. I should have better and more wonderful things than they do. I also should be more powerful than them. Since being worshipped as a goddess did not work out for me, I decided I should be at least a feared demon. Besides being evil is fun.

I slipped out of my room for some more web surfing. I tiptoed into Seth's office. I did a search for pictures of the devil. He was usually shown as red with black horns. I did a search for 'bad' and it was mostly Michael Jackson. 'Bad girl' turned up a lot of pictures of ladies in devil costumes and underwear. Those were no help.

Just then I heard a car pull into the driveway. Either Seth or Mommy was back. I exited the web browser and ran back to my room. A few minutes later I heard a knock on my door.

"Karen?" It was Seth, "We need to give Mallory a ride home. I will take you to dinner at Burger Castle after we drop her off."

Burger Castle? Goody! Maybe he forgot about my punishment, "Ok Seth. Give me a minute to change my clothes and I will be ready."

"Ok, Karen but hurry up." Seth replied.

I needed something evil to wear. Unfortunately, Mommy thinks I am a baby and buys all my clothes at Gymboree which is a baby store. I rummaged in my closet and found a black tulle ruffle skirt, black tights, a pair of red shiny patent leather boots with a bow on top, a red long sleeve t-shirt, black sunglasses and a red knitted hat that Nannie had made me. She called it a cloche. I grabbed a black hooded sweatshirt to wear on top.

I wandered downstair to where Seth and Mallory were standing by the front door waiting for me. They were both looking at me strangely. I do not know why. I guess they recognized that I was the all new Karen Brewer.

Seth cleared his throat, "Uh Karen… I think it is a little hot for the outfit you are wearing. It is the end of June after all."

I rolled my eyes but because of the glasses he could not see, "Do not worry about it, Seth. Let's hit the road."

We went outside and to the driveway. Seth unlocked the car. He and Mallory got in the front. I climbed in the back and and slouched down. I did not even put on a seat belt. I put one leg on top of the other and my arms behind my head. I thought I looked cool.

Seth did not agree. "Karen, get into your booster seat and buckle up."

"Booster seats are for babies, meanie mo. I am not riding in that thing." I slid my glasses down my nose and narrowed my eyes at him.

"We have been over this. You are not tall enough to ride in the car without it. Get in the seat, Karen." Seth sounded very annoyed.

I obeyed and buckled up but I was not happy. "Mallory is not riding in a booster seat."

Seth sighed, "Mallory is older and taller than you, Karen."

I decided not to say anything else to Seth. I made what I hoped was a devilish face at him but he did not see it. He just pulled out of the driveway and drove down the street. Mallory was reading her book again. It was very quiet.

Then Seth's phone rang. He answered with the car Bluetooth system and I heard Mommy's annoying voice come out of the speakers, "Hi Seth."

"Hey Lisa. I am just taking Mallory home then I was going to take Karen over to Burger Castle to grab a bit to eat. How is Andrew?" Seth replied. I thought about screaming at Mommy because I was still mad but I was curious about Andrew so I did not.

"Andrew is okay. Turns out he was just shaken and has few bruises. I do not know what we will do about Karen. I talked with Watson while we were at the hospital and he is at a loss as well." Mommy sighed.

"I am here, Mommy. I am really sorry I hurt Andrew. I did not mean to. I was just very mad." I was not sure if I meant it or not but I knew she would want me to apologize.

"I believe that you are sorry, Karen but I do not know how to help you stop." Mommy sighed again.

"I am done with my religion, Mommy." This was true. Now that my goal was to be the devil, I did not need my religion anymore.

Mommy replied, "Karen, you were going through a hard time before that. There is a lot you need to work on."

I rolled my eyes behind my sun glasses so Seth could not see me, "I know, Mommy but…"

Seth interrupted which was gigundo rude of him. "Hey Lisa, I am almost to the Pike house. How about you and Andrew meet us at Burger Castle and we will talk then?"

"That sounds like a plan, Seth." Mommy ended the call.

We drove in silence the rest of the way to the Pike House. I think Mallory was uncomfortable with us because she had not said anything since before we left the little house.

We pulled into the Pike Drive and Mallory scurried out of the car. "Bye Mr. Engle! Bye Karen!"

We watched as Mallory ran into the house then we were off to Burger Castle. I was very excited because it is a fun restaurant to eat at. It looks like a real castle and the chairs are like thrones. Plus you get to wear a crown while you eat! My happiness was only dampened by Mommy and Andrew coming. Mommy still did not sound happy with me and I was not sure about Andrew.


	12. Burger Castle

Chapter Twelve

Burger Castle

Seth and I pulled into the parking lot of Burger Castle. I did not see Mommy's car yet. I followed Seth inside. Burger Castle is wonderful. From the outside it looks like a mini castle made of gray stone with four towers. It is surrounded by a moat and you walk over a drawbridge to enter through big double doors. I love it.

When we went inside we were in a waiting area with big wooden benches with plush red covers, wall lights that looked like torches and also tapestries hanging between the lights with medieval scenes of dragons and knights and ladies on them.

A teenage girl wearing a long pink gown and a silver tiara with pink jewels walked over, "Hi. Just two?"

Seth shook his head, "We have two more who will be joining us shortly so we will need a table for four."

"Great! I am Lady Strawberry Milkshake and I will be your hostess tonight. Right this way!" She went towards a nearby archway that led to the dining room.

"Your name is ridiculous!" I told her. I knew it was not her real name but I could not stop laughing.

She laughed, "You are a cute kid."

Seth glared at me, "Cool it, Karen."

She led us to our table which had wonderful chairs that looked like thrones and handed us our menus. The food all has royalty related names. I could not decide between the princess cheeseburger plate or the little knight chicken nuggets.

Seth set his menu down, "I think I want a royal deluxe angus burger and cheese fries. What about you, Karen?"

I lowered my shades to look at him. "I guess I will have a princess cheeseburger with fries and a raspberry shake."

"You could take off the sunglasses since we are inside." Seth said.

"I am not able do that," I told him.

Seth looked confused, "Why not?"

"This is my devil look. Now that I closed my church down I do not like religion anymore. Being evil is fun. You know how much I like dressing up as a witch on Halloween." I did not add that my plan was to try to make other people do bad things. Seth might spill the beans to Mommy.

"Karen," Seth said gently, "I think we need to find you a new hobby. How about ballet? Or maybe girl scouts?"

"Can I wear a devil outfit to those activities? If not I do not want to do them. I just want to be evil." I was not going to let Seth boss me around. He is not rich like my daddy. He is just a cheap imitation.

A new voice chimed in, "Karen Brewer do you even know who the devil is? Do you even really know about him?"

I looked to see who had spoken. I could not believe it. It was Pamela Harding. She and her mommy, daddy and big sister were sitting down at the table next to ours.

"Pamela, be nice." Mrs. Harding reprimanded her.

Pamela gave me a very mean look, "Mommy, that is Karen Brewer. You know she is not nice. I have told you about her many times. Plus you just heard her say she wants to be the devil. He is evil. Why would she want to be like him? He got kicked out of heaven and he likes people to do bad things."

"I have a lot in common with the devil. He got kicked out of heaven. I got kicked out of church by your daddy." I was not going to let Pamela and her family get the best of me.

"Pammy, sit down and leave them alone," Mr. Harding said sternly.

Pamela sat down and stuck her tongue out at me. I stuck mine back out at her. I was not happy. Pamela was being mean to me again and her daddy still had not apologized to me for ratting out my visit to his church to Mommy. Pamela owed me an apology too for destroying my church fliers and bribing Andrew to let her do it.

I decided to ask him about the church situation, "Um Mr. or Bishop Harding, whichever you prefer to be called, I have a question."

"Daddy! Do not talk to Karen Brewer. She is crazy!" Pamela pounded her fists on the table so hard that her mommy gave her a look and grabbed her hands. Pamela yanked them away.

He looked at Pamela then at me, "Um Mr. Harding is fine."

"I think it was very mean of you to kick me out of your church. I think you should say you are sorry." I hoped I had gotten my point across.

"Karen!" Seth did not sound happy.

"No it is ok." Mr. Harding put his hand up, "Karen, I am sorry you are not happy that I called your mommy but it is what grown ups have to do when we see a child by themselves without a grown up taking care of them knowing where they are at. If I had not been able to get a hold of your parents I might have had to call the police. It is not safe for you to be somewhere by yourself. You could get hurt or someone bad could take you. You need to let your parents know where you are at."

I frowned, "I understand." I did not really understand but Seth looked mad and Mr. Harding had that tone in his voice that grown ups get when they mean business and do not want me to argue with them.

Mrs. Harding added in, "Pammy, why not go with your friend down to the dungeon while we wait for the food?"

The dungeon is a big basement room under the restaurant. It has arcade games, prize machines, an indoor playground and some small rides. It is sort of like a medieval Chucky Cheese. I usually like to play in the Burger Castle dungeon but going down there with Pamela Harding did not sound like a picnic to me.

Apparently Pamela agreed, "I keep telling you that I am not friends with her. Plus I have not ordered my food yet."

Pamela's sister who had been quiet until now rolled her eyes at Pamela, "You sure could have fooled me. You talk about her all the time like she is your best friend. You bicker like an old married couple."

"Ugh I would never marry Karen Brewer or be her friend. She is too evil and mean." Pamela stormed off in the direction of the dungeon while her sister laughed. Mr. and Mrs. Harding started lecturing her about being nice but she laughed at them and they started arguing about other things. Mostly it sounded like they thought Pamela's sister was lazy for not getting a summer job, lazy for flunking out of summer school and they hated her new boyfriend. They did not seem to care that Pamela was upset or that she left. I felt a tiny bit sorry for Pamela. Maybe she was a meanie mo because her mommy and daddy are.

Seth looked at the still arguing Harding family then at me, "Uh Karen it would be nice of you to go see what is wrong with your friend."

Did Seth not hear what Pamela said about us not being friends? "I do not think I care to know what is wrong with her. I will stay here, thank you."

Seth pulled a wad of dollar bills out of his pocket, "Go have fun, Karen."

Well as my daddy, Watson Brewer likes to say, 'money talks'. I took Seth's money and went down to the dungeon. I was not really looking for Pamela. Now that I had the money, it was time to have fun. When you play games at Burger Castle, you win tickets and you can turn the tickets in for prizes. There are a lot of big prizes that you would have to save tickets up forever for which I think is not fair but there are a lot of things that are easy to win too.

I played castle bowling where you knock down pins that look like suits of armor with a cannon ball. I went a few rounds on the dragon pinball machine. I took a few pictures of myself in the photo booth. The photo booth is great because it dresses you up in computer generated medieval clothes. I rode on a ship ride that looked like a crusader ship.

I was thinking about heading back up to see if my food had arrived and to see if Mommy and Andrew were there when I heard the sound of someone crying from inside the indoor big toy that is shaped like a mini castle. The voice sounded familiar. I climbed up into one of the towers. There sitting on a platform with her head on her knees was Pamela Harding. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy from crying.

She looked up when I sat down on the platform, "What are you doing here, Karen Brewer?"

"My step dad told me to go and find you. Plus he gave me a lot of money for games." I informed her.

Pamela sniffled, "You probably only went down here because he gave you money. I do not even see my mommy and daddy looking for me."

This was true but I was not going to let her know that, "Well your sister was fighting with them so they were distracted but I am sure they are worried about you."

"Yeah right! They only care about her," Pamela had stopped crying and was starting to sound mad. "You know what Karen? As much as we do not like each other, sometimes I wish I was you. You have it so easy."

My jaw dropped and my mouth was wide open. I am not usually surprised by the idea that anyone would want to be me since I am so wonderful and smart but not Pamela Harding. We usually hate each other. I could not believe what I was hearing.


	13. Plotting With An Enemy

Chapter Thirteen

Plotting With An Enemy

I had never been more surprised in my life than I was right now. I could not believe Pamela wanted to be me. I am almost never speechless. My pretend husband Ricky called me Blarin' Karen for being a loud mouth and my teacher Ms. Coleman has to tell me to use an indoor voice all the time. But right that moment I had nothing to say. Pamela had ruined my church fliers and been very mean to be today and now she was saying she wanted to be me? If she wanted to be me, she would have seen how important my fliers were and not ruined them. I was at a loss for words.

Pamela, however, had plenty to say, "Do you know why I wish I could be you? Because you have everything and more. Your daddy has a mansion and a lot of money. My daddy is just a boring dentist and our house only has four bedrooms in it. Your step dad made you a playhouse. My daddy bought me a plastic baby playhouse from toys r us. I only have one meanie mo sister and you have Andrew plus a lot of step siblings. But do you know what makes me the most jealous of you, Karen? Because your family pays attention to you. My family mostly ignores me. My daddy is too busy being a dentist at his work all week and the bishop at church on his days off. My mommy is too busy writing her book. My sister is too busy with her boyfriend. When our parents pay attention to either of us it is her because she is always getting into trouble. She is failing in school, her boyfriend is what Daddy calls a juvenile delinquent because he stole a car, and she is very rude."

Pamela's sister sounded a bit like me. I get a lot of attention because I am always doing things my mommy and daddy punish me for. I decided to tell Pamela that. "Pamela, I get a lot of attention because my mommy and daddy think a lot of the things I do are bad just like your sister. You are sometimes a big snob to me but you do not get in trouble like me. Remember when I slapped you over a swing? You did not even think to hit back and you did not want to even get me in trouble. You do not know how to do things that get you attention."

"I guess that is true but I do not want attention for being bad. I just want my parents to notice the good things that I do." Pamela told me.

She had a lot to learn but I am a master at getting what I want. Plus I am now Devil Karen. "Pamela, trust me, being nice does not get you attention. I wish it did but it does not work. I learned when my mommy and daddy were fighting and getting a divorce that if I did something like kick the cat down the stairs or bite Andrew that I would get attention. If I painted a nice picture at school or helped Andrew clean up his toys, nobody even noticed. It helped me get through the divorce and now I do things because at the little house Mommy would ignore me for Andrew and at the big house there are so many people that sometimes I get forgotten about."

Pamela looked thoughtful for a moment then she asked, "Could you teach me, Karen? Could you teach me how to get attention like you?"

"Yes, Pamela. I can teach you everything you need to know to be as powerful as me. But you will have to do something for me in return." I was getting a brilliant idea that might be the answer to all of my problems.

Pamela eyed me suspiciously, "What would I have to do for you?"

"I was thinking I was done with wanting to go to church and that being the devil would be more fun than having my own religion but I would still like to visit a church. I told Seth and Mommy I did not when Mommy called earlier but now I am thinking I still do. I can still be the devil and go to church at the same day. I do not see a conflict. If you will help me find some way to go to church with you just once so I can see what it is like, I will help you find a way to get more attention from your mommy and daddy." I thought this sounded like a fair trade.

Pamela thought so too. She stuck out her hand to shake mine, "It is a deal, Karen."

We shook on it and then I looked down. I saw Andrew standing below us by himself. I called down to him, "Andrew, what are you doing here?"

"Mommy and I got here a little bit ago. Now our food is on our table. Seth sent me to look for you," Andrew called to me.

I shook my head. Andrew is just a baby brat. They should not have sent him alone, "You are too small to be by yourself down here."

Andrew glared at me, "I am not too small, Karen. Come on, I am hungry. I did not get a snack at the hospital."

I climbed down. Pamela followed after me. We stood facing Andrew. He did not look hurt at all. I was a tiny bit disappointed. I thought I had gotten him good this time. At the same time thought I was a bit relieved. Not that Andrew was okay really but because if he was okay maybe my punishment for beating him up would be lighter. Well a little bit of me did feel sorry that I had hurt Andrew but I brushed it off.

I decided to ask him about what was going on even though I had already heard Mommy's claim that he was not hurt, "What happened at the hospital?"

Andrew shrugged, "I am fine. I just have a few bruises from where you knocked me down. You will not be fine though. I heard Mommy say on her cell phone to Daddy that you will be getting one doozy of a punishment for trying to hurt me."

I ignored what he said about my punishment. I did not want to think about it. "Come on Andrew, we should go eat. I am gigundoly hungry."

Pamela, Andrew and I went back upstairs to the dining area. I really wanted to stop and turn in my tickets for a prize very badly but I was also hungry. I decided I would eat first then ask if I could go back down and get a prize.

We got back to our tables. Pamela's family was quietly eating. Her sister did not look too happy but at least they were no longer fighting. Pamela slid back into her chair and started eating the burger and fries that her daddy gave her. I guess he had ordered for her while she was gone.

Andrew and I sat down with Mommy and Seth. Mommy did not say anything but Seth said hi to both of us. He handed me my cheeseburger and Andrew a plate with chicken nuggets. We started eating. It was very good. We were silent for a few moments while eating. At the table next to ours, the Hardings were continuing to be silent.

Finally Mommy put down her chicken sandwich and spoke, "So Karen, after I talked to you and Seth on the phone, I called your Daddy again."

"I guess that means you have decide on my punishment." I could not even look at her.

"Daddy called your pediatrician. Your doctor said we should take you to see someone who works with children who are angry or unhappy. Daddy got a referral for you to see a therapist. A therapist is someone who might be able to help you cope with your feelings in other ways than attacking Andrew or your friends," Mommy informed me.

I noticed Pamela watching me from the corner of my eye and felt embarrassed, "I am not crazy, Mommy."

Mommy patted me on the shoulder, "Nobody said you are crazy, Karen. We are just feeling like your behavior and attitude lately are a cry for help."

"I just like people to know I am there. I do not like to be ignored and I want to make sure no one forgets me," I knew I did not need any help.

Mommy sighed. She does that way too much lately. "Karen, there are more positive ways to get attention and not be ignored than being mean or committing petty crimes like shoplifting."

"If you say so, Mommy," I did not think she got it.

We all returned to eating and silence yet again. It was very uncomfortable. Usually we talk while eating. Especially me. I always use meal times to fill in everyone about the wonderful life of Karen Brewer. The silence was bugging me but something about the look on Mommy's face made me keep my mouth shut.

Finally, I had had enough. I really need a break from sitting here with Mommy looking at me and not talking, "May I please go to the bathroom?"

Mommy and Seth exchanged a look then Mommy said, "Yes, Karen. You may go to the bathroom but hurry back please."

I got up and hurried off to the bathroom as fast as I could. I could not get away from Mommy fast enough. When I got there I stood in front of the sink and took a deep breath. Then the door opened behind me. It was Pamela. She had followed me to the bathroom.

Pamela stood next to me and smiled, "Wow, Karen. I am impressed. Your mommy was really focused on you. She did not even talk to Andrew. It really works. I cannot wait to learn all of your tricks."

"Do not worry, Pamela. I will teach you everything I know and you will be a pro in no time. You can be my apprentice," I informed her in what I hoped was a grand voice.

Pamela nodded, "That sounds good to me. When can we get started?"

I thought about this for a moment, "How about tomorrow morning? I will call you and invite you over. It should be okay with Mommy. She has not said I cannot have a friend over."

"What about the therapist she said you had to visit?" Pamela asked me.

I had forgotten about that, "She did not say when the appointment would be but she has not made it yet. I am sure it will not be tomorrow. She has to call tomorrow to make the appointment. Usually when she calls my doctor or dentist to make an appointment I have to wait a few days to go in. I am sure the therapist will be the same. Do not worry. We will get started with your training tomorrow. You will be just like me before you know it."

Pamela reached over and gave me a hug. It was a big awkward since we have always been enemies. I hugged her back quickly and pulled away. It was just too weird for me to be hugging Pamela Harding but I was very excited to be her teacher and maybe I would find a way to visit church at last through her.

_Author's Note: I apologize for the 2.5 years between updates. Shortly after my last update I found out I was pregnant and with the pregnancy, baby and now nearly 2 year old toddler (born 3/10/2010 I have been very busy and still am but at least my son sleeps at night now so I can write a little so I'm doing a four chapter update today with 10, 11, 12 and 13 with more to come soon._


	14. Karen's Apprentice

Chapter Fourteen

Karen's Apprentice

On Tuesday morning, I was excited to invite Pamela over. Hannie and Nancy had never seemed interested in learning my ways so it was nice to have someone that did.

First I had to butter Mommy up so I could have a guest over. She might not say yes because she is very stingy about fun and only wants Andrew to have any.

I dressed up in yet another devil-like outfit. Well it was devil colored at least. I had on a red sun dress with black polka dots on the skirt, a black ribbon around the waist and a big lady bug embroidered in the middle of the chest. It was kind of a baby outfit but I added my black hoodie sweatshirt to complete the outfit by covering up the lady bug.

I danced merrily into the kitchen like I do every morning. Mommy was drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Andrew was doing the same thing except his coffee was really a cup of chocolate milk and he was reading the comics. Mommy is addicted to coffee. It is quite ridiculous how much she drinks. She says it is because I wear her out.

"Good morning, family! Can I get anything for you?" I wanted to be extra helpful.

Andrew shook his head, "No, Karen. I am fine."

Mommy added, "Just get yourself some breakfast. We are almost finished."

I made myself a berry bagel with strawberry cream cheese on top. I put a few fresh strawberries on the plate and poured myself a glass of strawberry milk. A devil red breakfast just for me.

Andrew finished his milk and put his cup in the sink. Then he wandered out of the kitchen. Now was my chance to ask Mommy about Pamela coming over. Mommy was already clearing her spot.

"Mommy?" I asked her.

Mommy stuck her newspaper in the recycling bin next to the trash, "Yes Karen?"

"Mommy, I do not know if you noticed yesterday but Pamela Harding was feeling very sad. Her parents are busy with her big sister who does not listen to them and they do not have time for Pamela. They were fighting at Burger Castle and she felt left out. I was wondering if I could invite her over to play." I hoped Mommy would buy my story.

Andrew barged back in the kitchen, "Karen, you hate Pamela."

"Eavesdropper!" I stuck my tongue out at him, "Andrew you saw me playing with Pamela at Burger Castle. We are friends now."

Andrew giggled rudely, "If you say so, Karen."

I ignored him and looked at Mommy, "Please Mommy?"

Mommy stuck her coffee mug in the dishwasher, "I do not see why not Karen. Seth told me that Pamela seemed very sad. It is good of you to think of a friend instead of yourself for once."

I bounded over to the phone and dialed Pamela's number. Pamela answered right away, "Hello, Harding residence."

"Hi Pamela! It is me, Karen Brewer. Mommy said it would be find for you to come visit. Can you come over?" I was very excited.

"I will check with my mom really quick," Pamela informed me. It went quiet for a moment and then she came back, "Mom says she will bring me."

I was gigundoly happy, "That is great Pamela. Make sure to wear a red and black outfit. Devil colors."

"I will! See you soon, Karen." Pamela hung up.

I bounced in front of the front door for the entire twenty minutes it took for Pamela to arrive. I was just that excited. Mommy was vacuuming in the living room and did not even notice me but Andrew did.

"Karen, you are really acting crazy. You should calm down. At preschool if we act bouncy and crazy, Ms. Jewel makes us sit in the calming corner. I think we need a place like that for you." Andrew sounded just about as bossy as our step sister, Kristy.

"Pamela and I have a lot of plans today," I informed him in what I hoped was an important sounding voice.

"As long as they do not involve me, I do not care," Andrew left and wandered off in the direction of his room before I could respond.

My plans did involve him but I was not going to let him know that. Besides Pamela's mommy was pulling up into the driveway. Pamela got out of the car and waved goodbye to her mom. Then Mrs. Harding drove off.

I opened the front door to greet Pamela, "Hi! I am happy you could make it. I love your outfit!"

Pamela was wearing black denim shorts, a red t-shirt with a black tank top over it and a pair of black sandals. On her head, she had on a red and black stripped headband. It was the perfect outfit.

"Thank you, Karen," Pamela stepped inside, "What do we do first?"

"We find out where my sneaky brother went. He was here pestering me and now he has gone to hide. We will have to find him. I think he might be in his room. It is this way." I started off towards Andrew's bedroom with Pamela behind me.

Sure enough Andrew was in his room. He was playing with his big wooden train table. Seth had built the table for him and then made the mistake of hiring Claudia Kishi to paint it. From a distance it looked like average train table scene with roads, trees and water but when you got close you realized that crazy Blobbia had manager to incorporate a lot of candy into it. The were rocks shaped like gum drops, chocolate bark trees, cotton candy cherry blossom trees and a soda pop river. Either that or she is just a really terrible artist. It was not really important.

Andrew had not spotted us yet. Pamela whispered, "What do we do?"

"Watch and learn," I whispered back. I scampered back to my room and came back with some hand puppets that were different animals. I put a bear on one hand and a alligator on the other. I handed Pamela a lion and a wolf.

"Huh? What are we doing with puppets?" Pamela looked confused.

I smiled but did not respond. Instead I made the puppets peek around Andrew's door frame so that if he looked he would only see the puppets and not me. I started to quietly do my tiger growl. Pamela began to copy me. Gradually we started growling louder and louder.

Andrew looked up from his trains. He had heard us and he did not look happy at all, "Karen, I know that is you!" Andrew started running towards us.

"Come on, we have to out run him!" I grabbed Pamela and we ran to the backyard.

Andrew was right on our tails. Pamela and I ducked into the playhouse expecting him to be right behind us but we were surprised. Andrew stopped on the porch and started screaming, "Mommy! Mommy!"

Mommy ran out on the porch, "Andrew what is wrong?"

Andrew mustered up some tears, "Mommy, Karen and Pamela made puppets growl at me and now they are hiding in the playhouse."

Mommy gave Andrew a quick hug, "Karen and Pamela come here please."

I winked at Pamela and whispered, "See how easy that was?

"You are right," Pamela said.

Mommy yelled, "I meant it, Karen. Get over here now."

I stomped over to Mommy, "Yes Mommy?

"Karen, your friend just barely arrived and you are already back up to your old tricks again. I thought you promised me that you would be nicer to your brother." Mommy picked up Andrew and hoisted him onto her hip even though he is too big.

I tried to explain, "Mommy, Andrew is overreacting. It was just a few puppets that we made growl. It was a bear, a wolf, a lion and an alligator. These are all animals that growl."

"Not at your little brother. It is not okay to make him cry or to scare him," Mommy snapped.

"I am sorry, Mommy. We will be nice to Andrew now. Come on Pamela. Let us find something else to do other than puppet show." I started for the backdoor but fat old Mommy stood in my way.

"Actually Karen, you are going to go to your room for several reasons. First that you were mean once again to Andrew. Second, you lied to me that you were sorry for all the mean things you have done to Andrew and told me you would try harder. Third, I feel like the only reason you invited a friend over is so you could have someone to help you gang up on Andrew. Not okay at all. Pamela, we are going to call your mom and let her know what happened. I do not think she will be happy with you either." Mommy sounded really annoying and mean so I kicked her as hard as I could then I ran upstairs to my room before she could say anything else to me.

I sat on my bed with Emily Junior in my lap and fed her a rat treat, "Andrew will not get away with this. All we did was make some funny animal sounds. We did not touch him. He ruined my day and now my apprentice has to go home."

I put Emily away. A few minutes later I heard car pull up. I peeked outside. It was Mrs. Harding. I saw her ring the doorbell then a moment later, I saw Pamela come outside. Her mom was yelling at her. I could tell because she had the same meanie mo look on her face that Mommy gets when she is mad. I saw Mrs. Harding go to the front door and Pamela to the back. Pamela looked up just then and saw me. She smiled, waved and gave me a thumbs up sign before climbing into the car. Well, maybe things were not ruined after all.


	15. Big Surprise

Chapter Fifteen

A Big Surprise

After Pamela had left, I snuck out of my room. I could hear Mommy downstairs on the phone. I tiptoed to the stairs to listen. I have to spy on Mommy way too much to find out what is going on.

"Yes, Kristy, I need a babysitter this afternoon. I am sorry it is last minute. I need someone to be here at 1:45 at the latest. I would prefer 1:30 but I will understand since it is such short notice. You'll check and see who is free and call me back in ten minutes? Sounds perfect. Thank you. I knew I could count on the Babysitter's Club." Mommy hung up the phone.

Hmm something suspicious was going on. I did not know what but I would find out. I always find out. I am much smarter than Mommy and she knows she is not able to hide anything from me. I stayed in my hiding spot next to the stair case to keep listening.

"Mommy where are you going? Why do I have to have a babysitter?" I heard Andrew whine.

"I have to take Karen somewhere. It is not a long trip." Mommy informed him.

Andrew kept on whining, "Where are you taking her? I want to know why you are not taking me too."

Mommy snapped, "It is a surprise for Karen. Stop asking about it Andrew."

Andrew did not stop, "A surprise? Like a birthday surprise? I want a surprise too."

Mommy really has a short fuse and no patience. She says I used it all up. I personally say it was Andrew's whining but Mommy disagrees. "Andrew, go and play. Do not worry about Karen."

I slipped back to my room with a big grin on my face. I was getting a surprise. I love surprises. I do not know why I was getting one since Mommy had shut down my training of Pamela over such a small incident. She had really overreacted just like Andrew had. Maybe she had realized her mistake. I sure hoped so. Pamela and I were just having fun with puppets. Andrew has a short fuse just like Mommy. I do not see how this is my fault.

Mommy came in a few moments later, "Karen, come downstairs for lunch. You can go to your room afterwards."

I wen down and had a tuna sandwich and an apple with a glass of milk. I ate by myself. Mommy said Andrew was eating his lunch as a picnic in the backyard and I was to leave him alone. I ate my lunch then brushed my teeth and went back to my room.

I sat down at my desk and started making a list about what the surprise might be. Hm a new toy? Maybe a young pony to replace the stupid old Blueberry? A swimming pool? Or maybe Mommy had decided it was finally time for a trip to Club G? Oooh if my Club G lifetime ban is removed and I get to go on a shopping spree it would be like my birthday and Christmas all at once. Mommy would never be that nice though would she?

I was so engrossed in my list that I almost did not notice when Mommy burst into the room, "Karen, we have somewhere to be. Mary Anne is coming over to watch Andrew. Please change into this dress and wear your navy sandals."

Mommy left the room as quickly as she had come in. I looked at the dress she had shoved into my hand. It was a navy blue shirt dress with a ruffled hem. I changed into the new outfit and went downstairs. Mary Anne Spier was coming through the front door. She was carrying her kid kit. Andrew was jumping up and down excitedly.

Mommy picked up her purse, "We will not be gone for more than two hours. I put my cell phone number on the fridge door along with the number for the place we are going. Thank you so much, Mary Anne."

"Not a problem! Andrew and I will have a great time. Bye Mrs. Engle!" Mary Anne waved as Mommy herded me out the front door.

I got into the car and into my booster seat without a complaint. I was eager to see what my surprise would be. I remembered a song from a Christmas special called the 'Life and Adventures of Santa Claus. It is called 'Big Surprise'. I started to sing it with my own words. "Oh, Karen is getting a big surprise! Big surprise! She bets Mommy will get her a really nice prize! Really nice prize!"

"Karen, no more please." Mommy started the car. I saw her program some directions into her phone and as soon as we started off the Google maps lady started talking. I do not like the Google maps voice. She annoys me so much that I decided it was Mommy's evil twin sister.

The voice led us through the streets of Stoneybrook then to the outskirts of town. Nothing looked familiar after awhile.

"Where are we going?" I demanded to know.

"Somewhere important, Karen," Mommy turned the car onto a tree-lined road.

There were so many trees on the road that it made things darker. The trees got thicker and thicker the further down the road we went. I realized we were now in a forest. It was pretty creepy. Morbidda Destiny probably spend her days here looking for herbs for her witch spells. The thought made me shudder. To keep my mind off witches, I picked up a copy of 'Green Eggs and Ham' that Andrew had left on the seat. It is a baby book but it was better than looking out the window for Morbidda Destiny.

I was so busy reading that I did not notice the car stop until Mommy started talking.

"Karen? We are here." Mommy announced.

I looked out the window. We were in a parking lot in front of a big brick building. The building was almost as creepy as the woods around it. I got out of the car and followed Mommy inside. We entered into a big lobby. It was some type of reception area.

Mommy motioned to a bench, "Sit here while I talk to the receptionist."

I sat on the bench and did some looking around while waiting for Mommy. There was not much to see. We were in a big lobby with some benches and plants arranged around it. I saw several hallways that I could not see down from where I was looking. I saw a elevator. I saw a door marked stairs. I squirmed in my seat. I really wanted my surprise right now and did not want to have to wait for Mommy.

As if she had read my mind, Mommy came back over, "Follow me, Karen."

We got inside the elevator and Mommy pushed to go to the third floor. When we got there, the door opened and we were in big room. It reminded me of Daddy's library. There were cozy sofa and arm chairs. Tables with plants and magazine racks on them. There were a few book cases. In one corner there was a low table with a water cooler next to it. On the table there was a coffee pot and cups. There was a door in the middle of the back wall and in the other corner there was a desk where a woman was sitting. Mommy went over to talk to her while I sat down.

Mommy was sure being mysterious. I figured she was busy planning my big surprise with these receptionists she kept talking to. I started to hum the big surprise song under my breath. Then I started to sing it softly then I kept getting louder.

Soon I was standing on a chair belting out my song, "Oh, Karen is getting a big surprise! Big surprise! She bets Mommy will get her a really nice prize! Really nice prize! A prize of candy or lots of toys. She has been a really good girl this year. Will you get her a really nice prize? A really nice prize? Big surprise!"

The lady and Mommy turned to look at me. Mommy did not look happy but I kept on singing. "Oh Karen is getting a big surprise! Big surprise! How can you ignore her puppy dog eyes? Puppy dog eyes! A little girl with a rich dad. A little girl with a mom that is mad. A genius girl a lot smarter than Andrew. A wonderful girl who is the best it is true. It is true! Big surprise!"

Mommy was standing in front of me but I did not care and kept right on singing, "We love you, Karen Brewer! We will worship you all day! You can take turns playing with me. You each can have me for a day!"

Mommy grabbed me and plopped me on my bottom in a chair. "That is enough, Karen!" She hissed at me through gritted teeth.

Boo and bull frogs! I was not done singing my song yet. "But Mommy, there is one more verse to go."

"You will not be getting any type of surprise at all if you do not stop making a spectacle of yourself. You are not always the star of the show. There is a time and a place for everything." Mommy was very angry.

I folded my arms across my chest and growled, "There is never a time and place for what I want to do Mommy. I cannot go to church. I cannot play with Pamela. I cannot go to Club G. And now I cannot sing and dance because I am happy."

Mommy did not say anything. She handed me a book from one of the shelves. It was a copy of _The Littlest Witch _which is normally one of my favorite books but today I did not want to read it. I set it down on the table next to me and sighed loudly. Mommy ignored me and began to read a magazine. I really hate to be ignored.

On another table I found a basket of paper and a box of crayons. I began to draw. I drew a picture of me dressed up as a devil. I was inside a church. Outside the church I drew Mommy beating on the door trying to get in. I drew Pamela barricading the door so Mommy could not get in. I started to giggle. Mommy looked at me and I stopped but the more I drew the more I could not help myself. My picture was hilarious. I started to laugh so hard I fell out of my chair and started rolling on the floor laughing.

Mommy snatched my picture away then picked me up and plunked me right back into the chair, "I cannot even trust you to draw a picture like a normal child. I see you have labeled this picture as _Devil Karen Locks Mommy Out of Church._ Why not a nice picture of a bunny or a clown?"

"Mommy, bunnies are not nice. Do you remember when Andrew and I got bunnies and all they did was go potty all over the house?" I could not believe Mommy had forgotten that.

"They were nicer than this mean picture you drew of me!" Mommy said in a grumpy voice.

I was about to say something back to her but then I looked up. Another woman had come out of the door on the back wall. She was carrying a clipboard and said, "Karen Brewer?

We got up and followed her through the door and down a hallway with more doors. She opened one of the doors, "Right in here."

We went inside the door and there was a man sitting at a table inside. He stood up and came over to us. He offered a hand to Mommy to shake, "Mrs. Engle? I am Dr. Brannon."

Mommy shook his hand, "Thank you so much for seeing us. Karen's pediatrician said you were the best child psychologist for dealing with cases like hers."

I could not believe it. This doctor was my big surprise? I let out a animal shriek in disappointment.


	16. Because I am Worth It

Chapter Sixteen

Because I am Worth It

I was not too impressed with Dr. Brannon. He had red hair and a beard like Seth. I do not trust anyone with red hair. I think they are either evil or nerds like Mallory Pike. Or they might be both. Also clowns have red hair wigs but I am not sure if they are evil nerds or just phonies since it is fake hair.

Mommy sat down in a chair at the table. I did not want to sit so I decided to stand next to the table with my best frownie face on and my arms folded across my chest.

I glared at the doctor, "What do you want?"

"Just to chat for a moment, Karen. Do you want to sit with us?" He smiled and gestured at a chair.

"I do not think so. I do not care to sit at a table with you." I turned my nose into the air so it was clear I was rejecting him.

The doctor ignored me and started talking to Mommy, "So Mrs. Engle, I would like to talk to Karen for a few moments then you and I will have a chat."

"Wait, you want to hear from her first? I should warn you that Karen is not a very honest child. Plus she is very dangerous." Mommy sounded indignant.

"I understand, Mrs. Engle but I always have an assistant watching from an observation room in case of aggressive children. I am sure Karen and I will get along just fine. Go out to the waiting room and my receptionist will get you a cup of tea." He smiled but Mommy did not look impressed and stormed out.

I decided to give Dr. Brannon the silent treatment. He got up and went to a cabinet standing in a corner of the room. He opened it up and reached for something. With his back still towards me he began to talk.

"So Karen, I talked to your pediatrician and found out that your mom had mentioned that you really love doll houses." He turned around and I could see he was pulling a large doll house out of the cabinet.

I could not help myself. It was so beautiful that I gasped. It was better than any doll house Seth had ever made me. It was white with two stories plus an attic with dormer windows. It had windows with black shutters that looked like they really worked. He set it on the table and turned it so I could see the open back. On the first two stories there were four rooms and then there were three rooms in the attic for a total of eleven rooms. The rooms were empty but after Dr. Brannon had set the doll house down he went back over to the cabinet and came back with two plastic bins. One bin was smaller and it contained dolls of assorted looks. The other bin was larger and contained various pieces of furniture.

I sat down at the table to take a closer look at everything. Dr. Brannon smiled, "So Karen, maybe you can use the doll house people and act out for me how things are going at home so I can hear your side."

I did want to play with the doll house but I did not want to give in, "I could just tell you about it."

"Of course you could but I thought this would be more fun. Sometimes actings things out through role playing helps you to see a situation more clearly." He sat back down at the table.

"Are you going to play with me?" I wanted to know.

He shrugged, "Only if you would like me to, Karen. I can just watch if you would rather play by yourself."

It seemed like a trick to me but I do not fall for grown up tricks. He wanted to think it was up to me if he played or not but I could tell he really wanted to. I rummaged through the doll bin and handed him a little boy doll. It was a little boy with curly dark hair and tan skin. It did not look like Andrew but it would have to do. I found a little girl doll in a party dress with beautiful golden hair like mine.

"Here," I told him, "You can be Andrew. I will be me and Mommy."

"Which doll are you using for your Mommy?" He asked me.

I found a fat doll with messy red hair and a mean face. Perfect for my evil Mommy. "What you want me to do?"

"Just show me what a day is like for you, Andrew and Mommy." He made the doll I picked for Andrew wave his arm.

I found a pink canopy bed and stuck it in a room. I made my Karen doll lay on it. "Andrew! Andrew!"

Dr. Brannon put Andrew in the room with me, "Yes Karen?"

"Oh Andrew. I am so sick and tired. Please get me breakfast in bed like the pricess that I am." I made the doll wave her hand at the Andrew doll.

The doctor made Andrew shake his head, "No Karen. I am your little brother. It is not my job to wait on you hand and foot."

I frowned. That did sounds like something Andrew would really say to me. It was like the doctor had met Andrew. He probably had. This was probably some big conspiracy Mommy had cooked up. The whole family was probably scheming behind my back. Well I would show the doctor.

"MOMMY!" I screamed.

"Yes Karen?" I shoved the Mommy doll into the room.

I began to fake cry. "Andrew is being a big selfish meanie mo. I do not feel good and he will not feed me breakfast in bed."

I made the Mommy doll cackle evilly, "That is because you have to make your own breakfast plus breakfast for Andrew and I."

"I HATE YOU. YOU ARE GIGUNDOLY MEAN." I took the Karen doll and shoved her into a room downstairs. I grabbed a plastic kitchen and stuck it in the room with me.

Dr. Brannon put Andrew in the room with me, "Thank you so much for making me breakfast Karen. Can I possibly help you?"

"Andrew would never say that." I scowled at him.

He shrugged, "Well Karen, I do not think your mommy would really make you make breakfast for the entire family. Especially if you were sick."

"Well she might. You just never know. She is certainly mean enough to. Honestly she and Andrew should be waiting on me like my personal servants. Everyday whether I am sick or well." I folded my arms across my chest. I was no longer interested in playing.

"Karen, part of being in a family is learning that sometimes it's about both giving and taking. Unless you are a baby, everyone learns to do their part to make things work. It is not fair if one person sits around and does nothing all the time. You are a healthy seven year old girl. While the big things like going to work, doing the big parts of making meals and the major chores and paying the bills are the grown ups responsibility, there are things you can do too. While your parents do their best to take care of you, you can help out. It's part of how you will learn to be a grown up so that someday you can take care of yourself. You cannot expect anyone to just wait on you all the time." He looked expectantly at me like he thought I would agree with him.

Of course I did not. "No I do not agree. I deserve to have a servant. When I grow up I will inherit all my daddy's money and I will hire lots of servants to take care of me."

"Karen, why do you think you should not have to do anything?" He pressed me.

I was angrier than ever. "BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT!"

Dr. Brannon did not say anything else. He took me by the hand and walked me out to the hall. A woman who I am guessing was his assistant was standing there.

He handed me to her, "Please take Karen to the quiet room. I am going to go get her mother and have a talk with her."

I started to kick and scream but the lady did not listen. She picked me up and hauled me into a room down the hall. I could not believe it. How dare they do this to the wonderful Karen Brewer?


	17. Comprimising With Mommy

Chapter Seventeen

Compromising With Mommy

The quiet room was not so bad. It was just a room with comfy couches and stuffed animals. There was soft music being piped in from somewhere but I could not see the radio. There was a bookshelf in a corner.

This did not mean I wanted to be in here. I wanted to eavesdrop on the doctor and Mommy but because the doctor's assistant had locked the door from the outside I was stuck.

For some reason I did not have it in me to continue throwing my tantrum. I sat down on a red couch and slumped onto a pillow. I felt gigundoly sorry for myself.

I could not believe I was in this mess. How did bad things keep happening to me? I was not really a bad person. At least I did not think I was.

I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. I did not want Mommy to hate me. So far none of my plans had gotten me what I wanted. Instead it had just gotten all of of my friends and family mad at me which was a very bad feeling. Maybe wanting a church and the entire world to worship me like a goddess and wait on me hand and foot was not worth it.

I started to cry hard thinking about all the things that had happened lately. I had a life time ban from Club G. My family was mad at me all the time. I still did not get to go to church. Now I was at a doctor's office because my mommy thought I was crazy.

I picked up a stuffed porcupine that was on the floor by the couch. I wanted Moosie or Goosie or maybe even Tickly but they were at one of my houses.

"I will call you Prickly and you can be my temporary friend." I told the porcupine through my tears.

I hugged Prickly to my chest. My head hurt from crying. I curled up into a ball and laid down on the couch.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew the doctor's assistant was shaking my shoulder. "Wake up, Karen. Your mom and the doctor are waiting for you."

I stood up sleepily and set Prickly down on the couch. I followed the lady back to the doctor's office. My mommy and the doctor were sitting at the table. He had put the dollhouse away.

When my mommy saw me, she stood up and gave me a hug which confused me since I thought she was still mad at me. She sat back down and I sat down next to her.

Dr Brannon smiled at me, "Karen, your mommy and I have had a talk. We have come to some decisions. We would like to try a compromise with you. We want to try to make some choices that will make both you and your mommy happy."

I was very suspicious. "I do not think that is possible, doctor."

"So here is what your mommy and I decided." He went on ignoring what I had said, "She has decided that it will be okay for you to attend church twice a month with one of your friends if you agree to start doing some things for her."

"Like what?" I looked at Mommy.

Mommy put a hand on my shoulder, "Like doing one special activity with Andrew each week instead of being mean to him all the time. I want you to make an effort every day to be kinder to him but once a week I want you do spend a little time doing something with him like the big sister I know you can be. Even if it is just reading him a story. I would also like you to complete your chore list without complaining. I also want you to apologize to your friends, family and the other children in the neighborhood. We called your daddy while you were in the other room and we agreed together that you are going to have an apology party."

It seemed like an awful lot of Mommy to ask me to do, "What is an apology party?"

"An apology party is where you will invite all the people you were mean to. You will be making cards for each of them with a letter inside with a personal apology telling them that you are sorry for your behavior and recent actions. You will also take the time to do something special for all of them at the party and make them feel like you are making an effort to change," Dr. Brannon explained.

"I am not sure about that," I replied.

Dr. Brannon took my hand from across the table, "Karen you have some choices to make. You can either continue being mean to everyone which results in them being mad at you and you being punished and unhappy all the time. Or you can agree to the compromise and have people happy with you as well as you being able to reach your goals as well."

I yanked my hand away, "What is the point of all of this? I am Karen Brewer. Not just anybody."

"Karen, the point is that right now I do not think you are happy. I know your mommy is not happy. Your daddy is not happy. Your stepparents are not happy. Your friends are not happy. Your siblings are not happy. No one is happy with how you are behaving and treating them. I honestly think you are the unhappiest of all of them. We are suggesting a way for you and your family to be happy. Your mommy and daddy have both agreed. I think you will be happy too if you agree." Dr. Brannon reached for a coffee mug that was sitting by him and took a sip.

I wanted to say I disagreed with him. I wanted to tell him again why I deserved everything I wanted without having to lift a finger. But then I remembered how I had cried while I was alone in the quiet room. Besides they were willing to let me go to church. I had really wanted to go to church with one of my friends. This is what got me into trouble in the the first place.

Except now I just wanted to be happy. He was right. I was sad. I was lonely because only my best frenemy Pamela was willing to play with me right now. She was ok but I preferred the three musketeers and how much fun we used to have together. I also wanted Andrew to like me again since he was the only baby brother I had.

I took a deep breath, "Okay I will do my best to compromise. I agree with the plan."

Mommy hugged me again, "I am so happy. Now that is my Karen that I know and love."

I hugged her back, "I cannot wait to plan the apology party. Will you help me, Mommy?"

"Of course I will, Karen," Mommy said.

We said goodbye to Dr. Brannon and left his office. I was feeling so much better now.

_Seriously, stop leaving the childish reviews bringing my own child into it. He has absolutely nothing to do with a story that I haven't updated in nearly a year. My last update before last night was January. You apparently are the one who has issues since you take the time to post a nasty review the split second I post anything. Get a life and unsubscribe from my updates. And stop bringing my child into it. This is a story that I started for fun well before my little boy was ever born. There is a huge difference between real life and a story. My son is a very loved and cherished two year old and is completely separate from a story that I haven't updated in 11 months. I've ignored the petty and childish reviews for as long as I can but attacking my parenting over a short story is ridiculous. You want to leave a negative review like the pathetic immature troll with no life that you are? That's fine but please leave my son out of it. You are always the first one to post a review when I update so please don't try to say you have no life. You don't. I didn't update for 11 months but the instant I do there you are. _


	18. Party Planning

Chapter Eighteen

Party Planning

Planning parties is gigundo fun. I did not even talk to Andrew when I got home. I went straight to my room to get started with planning.

I sat down at my desk and got started. I pulled out a piece of paper. I wrote at the top _Party Supplies. _Underneath it I started a list. I wrote _cupcakes, fruit punch, balloons, streamers, party favors and gift bags, and apology cards._

I was not sure what color I should make my decorations. Some holidays like Christmas and Halloween have theme colors. On my birthday, I always pick my favorite colors to decorate with.

I went to use Seth's computer again. I did a search for 'color meaning'. I came to a website called 'Color Meaning Pro'. It told what different colors symbolize. It was very fascinating.

I decided from this website which colors I would use to decorate. I chose white because the site said it was the color of goodness. I really wanted people to see me as good now. Olive green is the color of peace and I wanted to make peace with my family and friends. Yellow is the color of happiness and I wanted everyone to be happy. Those colors would be perfect for my apology party.

The next morning, Mommy, Andrew and I went to the store to buy supplies.

"When is the party going to be?" I asked Mommy.

"You can have it next Saturday in the backyard. Your little house month is almost over so this will be a good way to end it." Mommy answered me.

At the store we picked out balloons and streamers in yellow, olive green and white. We got paper tablecloths that were yellow and white striped. We got olive green paper plates, cups, napkins and forks. We bought lemon yellow cake mix, white frosting and green sprinkles. We also bought frozen pizza and veggie trays. We bought lemonade, vanilla ice cream and sprite to make sherbert punch with. We also got more vanilla ice cream just to eat with the cupcakes.

I was getting very excited. When we got home, Mommy helped me print off invitations from the computer. The invitations had my picture on the front and inside they said "Please Come to Karen's apology party. Date: Saturday. Time: 2:30 pm. Place: Seth and Lisa Engle's house. Call 555-561-7233 to RSVP." I thought they looked very grown up and professional. Mommy took me to the post office to mail them.

I started work on my apology cards. I had decided I would make a little gift for everybody too just like I had done when I had my Brother's Day party which was I guess an apology party too. It was a brilliant idea.

I got out some felt and yarn. I cut a dinosaur shape out of the felt and sewed around the edges with the yarn. I left an opening. It was a dinosaur finger puppet. It would be for Andrew. I made finger puppets in different animals for the other kids too. I made a kitty for Hannie that looked like Pat the cat. I made a butterfly for Nancy and a bunny for Emily Michelle. Soon I had a pile of finger puppets for everyone.

Making presents for the grown ups was harder. After all, grown ups have their own money and are usually rich enough that they do not need presents. Well except for Mommy and other people in little houses of course. I remember once that Nannie told me that grown ups like sentimental gifts that mean something instead of lots of toys. At least she does.

I went back to the computer. Online, I did a search for poems and song lyrics about apologies. I did a image search for pictures of people saying they were sorry. I printed out copies of all of these. I cut the pictures and poems up then I glued it onto sturdy pieces of oak tag. I stapled them together into books. I took some construction paper and puff paints. With the puff paints I wrote on the construction paper "Karen Brewer's Apology Book". I stapled the construction paper onto the books to make covers. They were very beautiful. I felt like a real author. Plus it was very sentimental which I knew would make Nannie proud of me.

While I waited for the puff paint to dry, I made friendship bracelets for both adults and kids out of yarn. Then I made bookmarks that I drew peace signs and rainbows on. I put everything into some plain white gift boxes left over from Christmas. I wrapped them in wrapping paper decorated in blue, pink and chocolate brown polka dots. It was left over from a baby shower Mommy had gone to and was the only wrapping paper I could find in the house that was not Christmas related.

I was so deep in working that I did not notice when Andrew came to the door, "Karen? Mommy says it is time to eat dinner."

I was very tempted to growl at him for interrupting me but I remembered my deal with Mommy. I sighed loudly instead, "Okay, Andrew. I will be right down."

When I went downstairs, Andrew had already gone back down and was sitting at the table eating dinner with Mommy and Seth.

I served myself a plate of spaghetti, " I cannot wait for my party."

Seth smiled, "That is good to know, Karen."

"It is going to be the best party ever. I am the most wonderful party planner on earth." I took a big bit of noodles.

Mommy set her fork down, "Karen, that is borderline bragging which is not very nice."

"I told you she would never changed," muttered Andrew under his breath.

I thought about sticking my tongue out at Andrew but I restrained myself. "Okay Mommy," I said in what I hoped was a meek and kind voice.''

After dinner, I had two things I wanted to work on for the party. The first was to pick out the perfect outfit. It needed to coordinate with my color themes plus be pretty and summery. The second would be to make my apology cards.

I found a yellow and white striped sun dress in my closet. I found a pair of olive green ballet flats, a necklace of chunky olive green beads and an olive green cardigan sweater. I decided if it was too hot I would tie the sweater around my waist. It would be just right and I would match the theme. I had some olive green and yellow barrettes I would wear in my hair.

I got out glitter, markers, stickers, stamps construction paper, yarn, crayons and scissors. I got down to work making a card for each friend and family member who would be at my party. I made each card unique. On notebook paper, I wrote an apology letter for each person and taped it inside the card.

I worked until late in the evening. I had to work by flashlight after Mommy had said I had to go to bed and I knew I would be very tired in the morning. I knew it would be worth it though when everyone came to my party. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.


	19. Karen's Party

Chapter Nineteen

Karen's Party

On the morning of the party I woke up and I was gigundoly excited. I dressed in my beautiful outfit and waltzed down to breakfast. I could tell that Andrew still did not believe I had turned over a new leaf and was giving me the dirtiest look he could while he ate a bowl of cereal. I did not care though. It did not matter what Andrew thought of me. It did not even matter if I had really changed or not. All that mattered was that Mommy thought I had changed and for right now at least I had.

"Oh look it is evil Karen," Andrew grumbled, "She is up to no good as usual."

Mommy handed me a bowl and a box of cheerios, "Now Andrew, we agreed that unless Karen does something bad again that we are going to give her another chance so please be nice."

Andrew stood up and put his bowl in the sink, "Alright Mommy but it is very hard not to be suspicious of Karen."

"Andrew, I am really trying to be good now." I poured myself a big bowl of cereal and gave him a smile.

Andrew stormed out of the kitchen which was fine by me. It meant I could eat my breakfast in peace. He calls me evil but really he is the evil one.

After I ate, I went out to the backyard to help Seth decorate. Seth even found some white Christmas lights in the garage which he helped me string on the fence with the paper streamers. We set up chairs for everyone. The yard was full of balloons too. Some of them we taped to chairs and tables and the trees. Others were just blown up and allowed to roll free in the grass.

We put all of the presents I had made on a table and then we set out the food on another table. Everything looked great. I had the cards inside a shoebox which I had stapled green, yellow and white paper to.

Soon it was time for the party. My little house family was ready for my guests. All except Andrew that is. Andrew ignored Mommy saying it was time to go out to the yard. He walked right by her and went to the living room.

Andrew sat on the couch, "It is time for Caillou. I am not going to your party, Karen. I have not seen the episode about Caillou making pizza with Jason and Jeffrey yet and it is going to be on today. I am sorry but I need to watch Caillou."

Mommy took the remote, "Andrew, you are going to the party. Karen has an apology to make to you too."

"She is not sorry," Andrew snapped at Mommy but he got up and followed us to the yard.

Soon my friends, neighbors and big house family had arrived. Everyone was eating and having a great time. Except Andrew. He was sitting inside the playhouse looking out the window with an angry face.

I had been sitting and eating pizza with Hannie and Nancy. My frenemy Pamela and her best friends Leslie and Jannie were sitting next to us. Natalie Springer was sitting by herself a few feet away. I think she was still scared of me and she really is a wannabe with no friends.

However, I could not eat my pizza comfortable with Andrew glaring at me. I knew I would need to do something.

I went over to the playhouse, "Andrew what is the problem? You are ruining my party."

"I do not like you, Karen. I am the only one here who has not fallen for your scam. I know you have not changed. You will never change. You are a huge meanie mo. The rest of the world may believe that you are really sorry but I do not. I never will." Andew was very angry.

I could not help myself. I did my animal growl at him, "No Andrew. As far as you and everybody else is concerned, I have changed. Mommy believes I had changed and I need her to keep believing that. You need to start believing it to or else."

"Or else what?" Andrew snapped at me. "All I have to do right now is yell for Mommy and she will come over here and see how you have not changed a bit."

"Call her," I challenged him. "She will not believe you."

Andrew took a deep breath and yelled, "Mommy!"

Mommy and Seth had been chatting with Nancy and Pamela's parents. Mommy came running as soon as she heard Andrew. I rolled my eyes but I had a plan.

As soon as Mommy got close, I turned on the fake tears, "Mommy, Andrew says I have not changed and I am not sorry. That really hurts my feelings because I worked so hard on this apology party and writing all the apology letters for everyone."

Andrew started to cry too, "Mommy, that is because she has not changed. She did an animal growl at me just a moment ago. Karen is a big liar and a phony."

I made my lower lip quiver, "He is lying. Not me."

"Andrew, I do not see Karen doing anything evil. I did not hear the animal growl from her. Until I see her doing anything to suggest otherwise, I have to believe that Karen has really changed." Mommy turned to look at me, "Karen Brewer, if I see even one hint that you have gone back to your old ways, it will not end well for you. Do you understand?"

I frowned, "Yes Mommy."

Mommy looked at Andrew again, "Do you understand, Andrew?"

Andrew looked madder than ever, "Not really, Mommy. You are rewarding her for being mean." 

Mommy gave him a hug but he pulled away from her and went back inside the playhouse. Mommy ignored him, "Karen, everyone is just about finished eating. It is time for you to give out the presents and read your apology cards."

"Goody! That is the part I have been waiting for," I was super excited. I would have done the sweater pants dance but I did not want to ruin my cardigan sweater. Plus the sweater pants dance was really something private just for me.

I went over by the back porch. Underneath the table that I had put the presents on, I had placed the box with the apology cards. On top of it I had set my pink battery operated microphone. I was going to look super important with the microphone. It would make my voice extra loud and everyone would pay attention to just me, Karen Brewer which is how I like it.

I could see Mommy gathering up dirty paper plates. Kristy and Elizabeth were helping her. It is always good to see both of my families getting along. Seth and Daddy still were not friends and were ignoring each other but that was okay. As soon as everyone heard my apologies, they would be so happy it would not matter if they were friends or not.

"Attention everybody!" I turned my microphone on maximum volume. "May I have your attention please? I am ready to start reading my apologies and giving out gifts. Please come and gather around me."

Everyone came over to where I was. Almost everyone except Andrew. He was still in the playhouse. I noticed that for some reason Natalie Springer was standing at the playhouse talking to him instead of joining me. I ignored them for now because I had everyone else gathered around me.

I waited until everyone was settled either sitting in a chair or on the ground. "Now we are ready to begin. When I call your name please come up to me.

I pulled the first card out of the box and started to read.


	20. Apology Time

Chapter 20

Apology Time

"Hannie, you are my best big house friend. I am sorry I was bossy," I read from the first card.

Hannie came up and gave me a hug, "Will you go to church with me first?"

"No me first!" Nancy piped up.

"I will flip a coin to decide who I go with first," I told them, "Nancy you are next. Nancy, I am sorry I was a jealous meanie mo to you."

Nancy hugged me too. I kept on going, "Emily Michelle, I am sorry I have been a bad big sister to you. It is not your fault you are still a baby."

Emily did not understand to come over to me so Kristy took her card for her. I read Kristy's next since she was already up, "Kristy I am sorry I have been a huge pain to babysit for and that the babysitter's club dreads getting calls from my mommy."

Kristy gave me a high five, "I know you will get better. Maybe you can be a super junior sitter."

David Michael snickered, "Seven is way too young to be a babysitter."

Since he was being rude I decided to read his next, "David Michael, I am sorry for always being a jerk to you."

He took his card but would not hug me, "Yuck! Hugging girls is super disgusting.

Sam and Charlie would not hug me either but Sam gave me a thump on the back and Charlie shook my hand when they came up for their cards next.

"Pamela, I am sorry I crashed your church and embarassed you." I handed Pamela her card. She gave me a quick hug and smiled.

I gave cards to Jannie, Leslie and Bobby Gianelli. Then to my husband Ricky, "Ricky, I am sorry I have been a horrible wife to you. I will understand if you want a divorce."

Ricky kissed my cheek, "I do not want a divorce. I will give you another chance, Karen."

I had two more kids left to give gifts to: Andrew and Natalie Springer. However when I looked for them I realized they were not among the group gathered around me. They were both in the playhouse.

"Andrew and Natalie, it is your turn to come get your apology cards," I called to them.

Andrew emerged from the playhouse, "We are not coming."

Natalie came out behind him, "That is right. We are not. We know you are not really sorry."

Mr. Springer walked over to Natalie, "Honey, that is not how we treat a party host. Karen worked very hard on this party to show you how bad she feels. Please be polite and accept her gift."

"NO!" Natalie had never screamed or sounded that angry before that I had heard. Actually I was proud of her for standing up to her dad like that except I was getting annoyed that she would not come over to me.

"Natalie, we do not behave like that. Please come and accept your apology card from Karen. You can be the better person."  
Her mother was pleading with her.

"I WILL NOT ACCEPT AN APOLOGY. KAREN IS THE MEANEST KID AT SCHOOL AND ALWAYS MAKES FUN OF MY SOCKS." Natalie then did something that surprised me. She flung herself on the ground kicking and screaming and threw a tantrum of Karen Brewer proportions. We all watched her in horror except for Andrew who was cheering her on.

Mr. Springer grabbed Natalie and hauled her over his shoulder still throwing a fit. "We are leaving. I am sorry, Karen. Thank you Seth and Lisa for inviting us."

Mrs Springer took Natalie's card and present from me, "Thank you, Karen honey."

I watched the Springers leave then turned back to Andrew who was now quiet but giving me a mean look, "Ready for your card, Andrew?"

"Not really, evil Karen." Andrew snapped at me.

Mommy picked up Andrew like a baby, "Andrew, I know you and Karen have had a hard time lately. I know she is not always nice to you but she is really trying today."

"But Mommy..." Andrew started to whine.

"We will get your card together." Mommy walked over to me still holding Andrew.

Andrew continued to give me a dirty look but I read the card anyway, "Andrew, I am sorry for all the times I did my animal growl at you and called you a baby brat. Please forgive me. I will be a better big sister."

Andrew stuck his tongue out at me, "No Karen."

"Andrew!" Mommy said sternly.

Andrew sighed loudly, "Okay Karen. I forgive you. For now but I know the truth about you."

"Andrew!" Mommy admonished him.

Andrew got down from Mommy's arms, "I am going inside now."

He ran into the house but none of the grown ups tried to stop him. I decided to finish up with the grown ups cards since the party was winding down.

I started with Mommy, "Mommy, I am sorry for being so difficult. I want you to be happy and less stressed. I am happy with our compromise about church. I am also sorry for making fun of our house."

Mommy started getting a little tear eyed when she hugged me. Next I called Daddy, "Daddy I am sorry that I disappointed you when I robbed Club G. I am sorry that I make a big deal about how rich you are. I love you because you are my Daddy not because you have money."

Daddy smiled and picked me up to give me a big hug. After he set me down I picked up Seth's card, "Seth you are a good carpenter. I am sorry I said you were Jesus. That was rude of me."

I went on to Elizabeth, "Elizabeth, I am sorry I called you my wicked stepmother. I know that is only in fairy tales and you are very nice."

I was almost done with my cards. I picked up Nannie's. I walked over to her, "Nannie, I am sorry I have been disrespectful to you. When I made these gifts I thought especially of you and making a gift mean something."

My last cards were identical and for my friend's parents, "Dear parents of all of my friends. I am sorry I have been a bad friend to your child and a bad influence. I know I have taught them so many mean tricks and I am sorry."

I got hugs from Hannie and Nancy's mothers and handshakes and pats on the back from the other parents. I felt better now that I had given out all of my cards.

Mommy announced, "Thank you all so much for coming to Karen's party. I think we will be wrapping it up soon."

The grown ups all started helping Mommy put away chairs and take down decorations. Nancy and Hannie both stayed next to me while the other kids started running around the yard and playing while they waited on their parents.

Nancy said, "Karen are we going to flip a coin for who you will attend church with first?"

"Yes I think we can do that now. I do not have a coin though with me." I replied.

Hannie pulled a penny out of her pocket, "That is okay Karen. I have a penny. You can flip it. I call heads."

Nancy nodded, "I am tails."

I took the coin from Hannie and flipped it. It landed in the grass. It was on heads. "Heads! I will go with you first Hannie. That is perfect since it is almost time for my big house month. Then my next trip with be with you Nancy."

Hannie put the penny back in her pocket, "Group hug?"

We all leaned in for a hug and squeezed tight. Nancy said, "All for one."

Hannie smiled, "And one for all."

I finished with, "The three musketeers forever!"

My summer was going to be the best yet. I just knew it.

The End


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